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2009-05-16 - 10:52 p.m.��previous entry��next entry
32 weeks, 3 days - birthing plans and to-do lists!
32 weeks!! Definitely getting near to the end of pregnancy now! Well, I'm at my half-week point already, so in a few more days I'll be 33 weeks. Less than 8 weeks to go now until my due date, and less than FIVE till I reach full term! Also, about 3 weeks (that's all!!!) till I reach the gestation I was when Nathan was born. That's a landmark for me now, since last time, because I know what my little beany boy will look like (size and general baby-ness wise) in 3 weeks time, since I got to meet one of my babies at that stage face-to-face! :)
I put my 32 week belly picture in the belly gallery - it's taken with my new camera (it's a DSLR!!!) and I've no idea why the tones are so warm! I have no clue how to use it yet, and I just handed it to Neil and told him where to push the button to take the picture, so there it is! ;)
My bump consistently feels bigger and Neil comments on it weekly (and sometimes more frequently) saying how much bigger it seems than a few days/week ago, etc. But I look at the belly gallery and it looks rather samey the last FOUR photos! Oh well. I have also noticed from looking at my belly galleries, that my bump is a more "normal" height and shape this time. I do carry low - people ALWAYS say that I'm carrying low, every single pregnancy - but this isn't low for me. I think I'm carrying very much the same as I was with Matthew at this stage, and also similar to Arthur (though I was a little less "hanging out there" with him, due to better toned abs or something, haha!), but when I look at Nathan's gallery - whoooaaah he was low! I was a different shape because of how low he was - more sticky-outy and very low down. I am beginning to wonder if that had anything to do with his early arrival, how very low he was, and how that hasn't been the case with my other pregnancies?
Thank you so much for the comments on Nathan's birth story last entry! It took me FOREVER to get around to writing it, but I'm soooo relieved to have done it at last! And it was good to write it down. I remembered more than I thought, as well, as I went along. It hasn't been too fun to read back though. I have found myself drawn to the laptop to read it over and over and OVER since I posted it. Most days actually. I haven't been comfortable at all reading it, but I still feel strangely like I can't help but read it again and again! It made me really anxious about birth the first few times I read it, but I guess that's starting to fade off now.
Tiny baby boy (who is now - amazingly! - around the 4lb mark and 17 inches long already!) is really bashing around in there as I write this! :) He's squirming and thumping my bikini line on my left side with his little hands! He feels lower than usual today, and I actually asked Neil if he thought I looked any different today, but he says not. He has had hiccups 4 times already today. They are quite strong now that he's bigger, and can be quite distracting for me now. I was sure I felt them lower today than before, more like pubic bone level, clicking away against it on the inside! It's such a very familiar sensation for me after all these hiccupy babies, hehe! I love it :) He pushes his feet about, sometimes like a pedalling sensation, and sticks them out of my right side, high up. He often pushes his bottom out of my left side (about belly button level) as he pushes his feet out, so I guess he's straightening his legs to have a bit of a stretch or something! It's EXACTLY what Arthur used to do all the time, in exactly the same location. Matthew had his back the other side to this baby and Arthur, and Nathan was more in the middle with his back. I can't wait to meeeeeet himmm!!! *sigh*
I talked to my brother about the upcoming birth. He's the only family we have around who could help us when I go into labour, and I'm a bit nervous about where to be and who will be able to help us with the boys! He and Sarah both work, and they have Thea too, so it won't necessarily be something they can do. Bennie watched the boys when Nathan was born (conveniently at the weekend, if I remember right!). My grandparents live fairly locally, but the boys will DEFINITELY be too much for them, even for a short time, though I'm sure they are likely to say to call them if there's anything they can do. They're in their mid-80s and our 3 active and mischievous little boys will exhaust and overwhelm them in a very short time, I should think! I WISH my parents didn't live abroad, or that they could come and stay for a good while around the time I'm due, to cover us for the birth, and just to be support for us. There's no requirement or obligation for them to do that, of course. But I just wish they could. They can't, though. They'll only stay a max of 2 weeks when they come here, because they are staying with my grandparents which has stresses of its own for them, apparently. And 2 weeks is too small a window to arrange in advance and be sure to cover the time I'll give birth. Which I'm sad about. If I could have anything, it would be to have both Neil and my mum at the birth, like with Arthur's. Although, Mummy pointed out that she'd be needed with the boys if she was here at the time. Which is true, so never mind.
BUT, their plan at the moment is to do as last time - wait till I phone to say I'm definitely in labour (or waters broken) and THEN book tickets on the night ferry that night and come over. So they will miss labour and birth entirely, and that's the time we most desperately need some help! Neil and I have been talking about it a lot lately to try and figure something out. I spoke to my brother at length about it and he is always wonderfully helpful and willing to do anything to help us really, which is lovely. There will be some days they can't be here to help us - every Tuesday for example, and a weekend at the end of June. Also, if Bennie is here with the boys overnight and Sarah has to go to work in the morning, then he will HAVE to go home to look after Thea so Sarah can go to work, even if (as last time!) the birth is actually HAPPENING at that point, and that will leave the boys with nobody at home to look after them (which can't happen!), so we're still stuck on that one. He can bring Thea back with him, but that still leaves a couple of hours where he's gone.
While we chatted, Bennie told me a few things that he remembered from last time, and some of them I don't think I knew before. Like, he spent the night that I was labouring, at our house with the boys. He slept in the big bed with Arthur, since that's where Neil usually slept. He said Arthur woke quite a lot through the night and he did really well with not having Neil or I around, but Bennie said he just wasn't quite ready for that transition, he thinks - that of doing the WHOLE night without his Mummy or Daddy for the first time. By 5am he was upset and distressed that we weren't there, even though he knew where we were and Bennie was very reassuring with him. They finally got up around 6am and Arthur seemed to eventually calm down and carry on with the day as normal after that. But it was interesting to hear about it, because we definitely saw evidence of him having found that part difficult, over the next several months. It was immediately obvious to us as well, when I came home from the hospital with Nathan.
Bennie said that at least Arthur is older now and probably will be fine if the same situation arises. I think so too. But Bennie wondered if Matthew would now be in the same place that Arthur was in last time, being the same age. Matthew is different to Arthur, and sleeps really well (doesn't wake and generally gets up with vigour (!) and wants to get cracking with the day right away), so I am not expecting him to have difficulty during the night if we're not here. But it was at that very moment in our conversation that I suddenly realised for the first time that Nathan would be a major problem. There is nooooo way he'd be happy with anyone other than Neil or I settling him if he woke, or getting him to bed, or getting him up in the morning, and he DOES wake several times still. Usually he stirs once in the evening, though he's generally puts himself back to sleep even if he starts out crying as he wakes, before we even get to him. At night, though, he usually stirs to wake once or twice where he puts himself back to sleep, and once where he wakes right up and stands in his cot crying for me to do something about it! ;)
I am thinking it would be a big issue for Nathan to have us gone for any length of time. We've even taken him with us for scans this pregnancy, because of how we knew he wouldn't even make it with a daytime babysitter who is a family member, for a short scan! He hasn't changed from that really, and I don't think he will change particularly in just 8 more weeks. So that's an extra concern for us now.
I remembered how smooth and easy and trauma-free it was for Arthur when I had Matthew at home, and suddenly it seemed clear that the best thing FOR THE CHILDREN would be to have a homebirth. Even if it's not 100% the ideal situation for me (and I'm not saying it's NOT, but like I have probably mentioned before, I have some concerns about having a homebirth this time), it's for the boys that I have finally decided to book a homebirth. I actually was strongly leaning towards a homebirth anyway, because I'd rather be at home and close to the boys. I had already thought about the impact on them if we go to the hospital, and was not happy about that aspect, but having thought it through properly now, I feel like I really NEED to be at home for them - and so that Neil is home for them too, even though I won't be available to them as such. At least they'll know Mummy and Daddy are home where they belong, and that will give them a much greater sense of security. Also it makes sense for WAY less stress over who will care for our children while we're in hospital having a baby! We'll be HOME all the time! :)
Naturally we still need help with the boys, otherwise I will have nobody to support me during labour and I don't want Neil to miss seeing his fourth son born either. My anxieties are about the TINYNESS of the house (as in, no place to labour and give birth!), and the NOISE I make at the end. I don't want to traumtise the children! And Bennie expressed some slightly awkward (on his part, he seemed embarrassed to bring it up, poor thing!) concern that if he has to bring Thea with him and I'm screaming and yelling somewhere in the house, that it might upset her! Which I'm concerned about as well. Oh, IF ONLY I could bloomin' well control myself at that point!!!!!! Tsk! That would be my major concern dealt with, and in fact my only reason for not being sure about having a homebirth in the first place. Rrrgh! I really wish I could manage that stage of labour without panic and noise.
I have read a couple of books about it, and a GREAT book that Meg sent me called "Supernatural Childbirth" (which is a Christian book) that was very inspiring. I should read it again, because now that it's been a few weeks since I read it, I already feel like that's out-of-reach for me and I surely can't "do" that, or have that kind of faith, for an easy, manageable, or pain-free childbirth. *sigh* So that's where I am on that right now. I feel (slightly panicked!) that I'm running out of time to practise ways to manage better, or to work on my mindset or pray about it or whatever.
If I give birth in the day then I will have to shut myself in my bedroom and have Nathan take his naps in the other bedroom (which actually, he should be sleeping in all the time by then anyway - aaargh! Another thing to get sorted SOON!). Then the boys can do their usual daily thing downstairs without bother. I do not expect to have any difficulties with labouring in itself, or to need pain relief (plllleeeeaaase no back labour though!) until the very end, and actually I think Neil will be pretty free to just be downstairs with the boys most of my first stage of labour (most of the whole thing, therefore, since the transition and second stage is sooooo short!) because I don't have any trouble getting on with labour without support in that stage. I would much prefer to have some company though, and HOPE that the new midwife team will provide longer coverage at home than the old way in the past - they were always so busy and would come round, check you, and if you weren't about to give birth, leave to get stuff "done" somewhere else and come back later! I just want a midwife to come and ATTEND me, properly, as they're supposed to! Tsk! Stay with me and keep me company, check I'm doing okay all the time, and not keep leaving. It would make me feel so much more relaxed to have that sort of presence, and I'm really hoping that's what they offer now. I'll ask at my next appointment.
If I'm giving birth at night time, or after the boys are in bed (BEST scenario, since I get Neil with me all the time then, unless any of them wake, which they usually don't), then I will obviously have no choice but to be downstairs in the living room like I was with Matthew. The only thing about the living room is that it's open with the stairs in the room too, so all sounds will travel right up the stairs and through the open doorways of the bedrooms right next to the top of the stairs! I think the boys might be wakeful even hearing voices that aren't familiar, or equipment sounds that they're not used to, etc. Let alone when I start giving birth! That's the stage where I REALLY don't want to lose Neil to a boy who has woken and needs significant reassurance about the noise that Mummy is making downstairs! ;) I know that Arthur didn't wake through my noise last time, which was nothing short of a miracle, seriously - he was the most wakeful toddler ever, and would wake at the slightest unusual sound, even a quiet one! I really believe God had his hand on Arthur to stay sleeping till Matthew had safely arrived and there were adults on hand to attend to him. I know God can do the same this time! But I feel nervous because there are 3 times the number of small sleepers to be potentially woken by my noise this time!
Anyway. I still have to have my GBS test at my 37 week appointment (so far off! And then no doubt a WAIT for the results - I want to know now, even though I know it's too soon to do it yet!!!) which will be the decider. If it's positive then I will have to go into hospital anyway for IV antibiotics during labour. And if it's negative then I can relax and have my homebirth. So I'm still nervous about the whole thing given that I can't know till like 38 weeks whether or not I'll have to go into hospital and thus whether the boys will have someone to look after them while we're there, and whether they'll be okay. They were "okay" last time, but there were definite consequences for them as a result of us not having been there, so I don't want to do that this time, if possible.
I am starting to basically pray that God will bless me and enable me to have a homebirth that is PERFECTLY timed for the benefit of the boys, and me, so that they get the care they need, and I get the birth support I need, and give birth in the least possible disturbing way for everyone in the house (including me!)! I am asking him that he will heal any GBS bacterial status and that the test will be negative so that I can have my homebirth. I'm therefore happy to trust God that if the test is positive, that there is a reason that he knows and I don't, why I should be in hospital to give birth this time, so I will have peace over going in. And I'm praying that if that's the case, he will provide all that we need to cover care for the boys and grace for them to cope fine without us. I'm finding it hard to pray and have faith, because it's BIG and nerve-wracking stuff for me right now, but I'm persevering! Please pray with me, if you wouldn't mind! I would so appreciate it! :)
Well, what else to report? I'm less comfortable than I was the last time I wrote, but I'm still so far having a very smooth and straight-forward pregnancy, more so even than I remember with my other three smooth and straight-forward pregnancies, which I'm grateful for! I wake quite a lot through the night, and on the occasion that I get a good lie-in in the morning at the weekend, I wake frequently through that too. I can't get through the night without at least one trip to the toilet, and also wake as I change position sometimes too. I get awful ligament pains changing position or getting from lying to sitting (no matter how I try to do it!) sometimes, and it takes a while for them to ease off. They're bad enough that I have to just curl up and focus on breathing through the pain until it passes! Ow.
I can feel the top of my uterus exactly one inch below my ribcage now, so I'm FULL of baby! ;) I have heartburn at the slightest spoonful of food lately, but not too severely. I haven't taken any heartburn remedies this pregnancy, but mainly because I don't like them! I just put up with the heartburn, but I don't think it's especially bad heartburn so that makes it easier.
I have had NO cravings this pregnancy, I've just realised!!! Which surprises me for some reason! I guess there's still time yet. I'm also not wolfing down enormous portions of food. I AM eating much more than I would when not pregnant and I get light-headed when hungry very quickly, but I pretty much just eat every 2 or 3 hours, just a snack sometimes, or else a meal with the boys. Little ones eat their meals closer together than adults do (or ours do anyway!) so it's easier to avoid the overly-hungry thing by just eating meals with them and snacking in between when they have their morning and afternoon snacks - perfect for a pregnant tummy! I have a pretty sweet tooth, but again I don't think it's particularly extreme for me or that far outside of my norm. I eat what I would normally eat, maybe a slightly bigger portion, but not that much. I remember I was putting away HUGE portions of food with Matthew before feeling full, but not so much this time. Everything is pretty much like it's continuing as normal this time.
I also am not noticing any pubic bone pain this pregnancy as such. I had a little around the 20 week mark (I think?) but not much. It hurts if I try to shove a heavy box on the floor to one side in front of me with my foot - REALLY hurts, and so suddenly too. So I have to be aware of doing that! But otherwise no trouble, which is different from other pregnancies too (in a nice way!). I always seem to write things here and then they immediately start to be bothersome! ;) So maybe that'll start up tonight, hehe! I hope not!
I really can't think what else, though surely there MUST be more! It's getting late so I will go to bed. I have been feeling really exhausted lately, just this past week or so. I have so little physical energy - it feels all used up in the first half hour of my day! I am very breathless today just standing upright, and have to keep sitting down to catch my breath. I'm just tiiiiired, and it feels like pregnant tired, not so much the type of tired that comes from lack of sleep or over-exertion. I am hormonal (tearful and irritable) on and off, but mostly off, thankfully! I think maybe that will increase as I get towards D-day though.
We took our house off the market this week, which I am muchly relieved about! It was starting to feel like a big pressure and source of stress, to know that at any time we might start the process of moving house. I feel like if we agreed to sell and move TODAY then it is already too late, because by the time we are at the day where we move I will be at least full term, if not right on top of my due date! And there's the stress of the many weeks leading up to the moving day, with the packing and legal stuff and so on. Urgh. I did not want to deal with that another day, I just wanted to be free of that possibility and let myself get on with nesting down and preparing for birth and caring for a new baby. We had an interested buyer, the first viewer who had made an offer. He came back and wanted to view our house again today with the likelihood of buying it, but we spent the week praying about it and decided that even if someone was RIGHT ABOUT to buy, making a good offer, in this current economy and everything, we still don't want to right now. It's too late. He should have not kept us hanging, haha! ;) I don't really mind one bit. We'll put it back on the market again in September or so, after things have settled down a bit with our FOUR small boys, and see how we go. It's all in God's hands, "current economy" or not, so there's no anxiety about it - yay for God! :) And I'm soooooo happy to have that out of the picture now, phew!
I have made a to-do list at last, for things to get done before the baby arrives. It's pretty long! And some of it is rather daunting, but oh well. I'm glad to have a list. I was feeling all unprepared with no list to check off, hehe! Here it is, just for my records:
To-Do List (before the baby comes!) - May 2009
* Make freezer meals (as many as poss)
* Plan/action seating arrangements in car
* Decide upon boys' sleeping arrangements:
- Possibly shop for another cot/mattress
- Get swinging cradle and pack and play down from the loft to test out
- Buy sheets for new cot if necessary
- Move boys/beds according to plan by 6 weeks before due date - May 27th (aaargh!)
* Get infant car seat down from loft
* Test car seat in tandem pushchair (it clips onto the seats)
* Clear huge piles of clutter off double chest of drawers in the boys' room
* Declutter boys' clothing and rearrange double chest of drawers to provide storage for all THREE boys' clothing, not just A and M's.
* Make activity boxes for the boys (need to link this, but basically a FAB idea that I first heard about at Biblical Womanhood (Crystal's blog):
- Plan out activities for the boys to do
- Collect/buy components to stock boxes according to plan
* Collect suitable DVDs for difficult days! (for the boys to watch)
* Plan out and schedule different activity types and activities within those groups, and zones in the house for them to take place - even if it's just a schedule to fall back on.
* Think of garden activities and plan accordingly, including clear-out of dodgy current stuff in the garden.
* Consider rearranging kitchen stuff so that boys can get their own plates, cutlery, etc, ready for lunch.
* Plan good breastfeeding snacks and stock up.
* Buy a couple more good nursing bras. Done this one! Yay! I bought 2 white Elle Maternelle bras online last week - they're the BEST bras ever for nursing and they're all I have worn since Arthur was born, hence wear and tear and need for a couple more!
* Buy a decent activity/play mat/gym (at last!) - our very second-hand one finally bit the dust when Nathan was finished with it. I'm excited about this purchase! :)
* Possibly buy another baby monitor (video one?)
* Get newborn and tiny baby clothes down from loft. Sort, CULL, and wash! Put out of season clothes back in loft, and store the rest ready for use!
* Other things to get down from loft:
- big stack of terry nappies (best sicky catchers in the world!)
- changing mat
- my homemade changing mat covers
- tiny bedding for cradle or moses basket
- moses basket
- baby bath
- hooded towels
- Fisher Price kick n play bouncy chair
- newborn cloth nappies (Kissaluvs and wraps) because even though we don't use cloth any more, my babies have ALL started life outside the womb in a kissaluv size 0 and I can't bear to change that tradition now! ;) Plus, the CUTENESS!!!
* Other things to buy:
- Nuk dummies, 0-6 months, at least 8. The ONLY dummies worth buying, according to our babies, hehe! Definitely want a stash, even if we end up not needing them.
- Newborn disposable nappies
- Cotton balls/pads for early nappy changes
- Two extra pillows. I have two extra children using the ones we had when I last sat up in bed breastfeeding a newborn!
* Also helpful:
- General discipline/obedience training so that the days aren't so impossible when we have a new baby!
- Train boys to obey for safety outside!
(urrrrgh)
(and again I say, urrrrgh)
When I made the list I hadn't planned on having a homebirth, so now I need to think about all the homebirth related things I need to get ready. I'm sure we have them, or almost all of them in some capacity, since I've prepared for homebirths here before. But I need to make a list and gather things. I hope my GBS test is negative!
Okay, that is all! It's so late and this entry is long what with the list and all the usual wafflings! Well done if you've read this far! ;) I'll be back soon. I know I seem to be leaving 2 weeks between entries at the moment (except for the birth story that I posted last week), but that so ISN'T the plan! I really want to write more often, but just don't get the time/energy. I will post whenever I do though. I have my next midwife appointment at 34 weeks, which is when I will book my homebirth and ask some more questions about stuff. I have so much "getting ready" to do just in the next two weeks, because by then I'll only have 6 weeks to go till my due date, and big changes for the boys need to be completed by then. Help!
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