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2009-03-11 - 9.52pm��previous entry��next entry
23 weeks pregnant (long!)
So incredibly behind here!!! Aaargh!
Well, I missed updating at 22 weeks (23 weeks today, woweee!) but I DID get a belly photo at exactly 22 weeks, yay! So it's finally up in the belly gallery. I was TIRED that evening and thus don't look very fun or smiley, but oh well! I really wanted to crop that one and put just my belly in the picture! But the bump actually looks different with the perspective of the rest of me there too, and that's how I always take belly pictures from 20 weeks onwards so I have stuck to that. I will try to smile more next time! ;)
Since then I think my bump has had a growth spurt, and Neil thinks so too. A few nights ago I pulled up my top and lay down on the sofa to see if I could feel the baby having hiccups (yes, first hiccups for SURE this week! And second. And third!), and Neil said, "Woah!" I think his choice of words could improve somewhat, but anyway! ;) That same night when I got ready for bed, I could not believe how big my bump was all of a sudden, or at least it seemed very sudden. So much bigger than a couple of nights before. Neil says it's come out more as well as seeming rounder.
The top of my uterus is now clearly felt about an inch above my tummy button, and I LOVE this stage onwards, because my tummy button is permanently flat since Matthew's pregnancy (it was semi-flat after Arthur and didn't have time to fully pop back in - I've never had an outie though), and when I'm pregnant my skin/flesh there seems ever so thin for about an inch all around it. It makes a wonderful "window" to feel the baby way more clearly once my uterus has grown past it and the baby is thus behind it some or lots of the time! I can feel a limb or the end of one really clearly through there, but not at all clearly a couple of inches across. Should I be worried about this?!! Hmmm... Anyway, it's so nice. I have already been able to feel this little one's leg and bottom on a couple of occasions. It turns my heart to mush when the limb moves against my fingers because it's soooo clear, and I feel so close to my tiny boy!
He still has no name! But I wonder if that's how it will stay till the birth, or shortly before? It's starting to feel that way now, and I'm fine with it. Except that Neil keeps suggesting names, and I really feel like I have no others to consider except for Benjamin and Noah. He still doesn't think the same way. He has suggested the name Jesse twice this week! It was on my shortlist during my first pregnancy, but Neil vetoed it so strongly that I didn't bother thinking of it for the next two pregnancies. Now he's actually suggesting it, I'm not sure about it any more! I'm not sure it goes well enough with our other children's names anyway. But he's still talking about it, so we'll see.
The other thing I'm a bit nervous about is that we'll wait till after the baby is born, and then we NEED to name him! And so we'll agree on a name, start to use it, and THEN Neil will say, "Oh actually, I'm not so sure now...." which he does a lot during the name-choosing stage in pregnancy usually. It's fine to do that during pregnancy because we've got time to settle on it before the baby is born, but doing that after he's here and we're calling him by it and bonding with him with that name... It would bug me EXTREMELY to have Neil question or want to change that name once I've been staring into my newborn's eyes over that first sleepless night after birth and whispering his name to him, totally bonding with him, name and all! I'm a bit nervous that it will happen that way, so to prevent it, it would be good if we could definitely name him before he's born. But I don't know about this baby, whether he is one who actually needs to be SEEN to be named! Anyway, right now I am not concerned about the no-name thing :)
Matthew felt him kick a couple of day ago! The baby had hiccups and I told Arthur about it. Arthur came running (as usual!) and lay his face on my bump, waiting. He felt a little hiccup and rushed off again in excitement, too much energy at that time to hang about waiting for more! Matthew came over for his turn, which he hasn't done before, and copied Arthur, carefully laying his sweet little cheek down on my bare tummy and waiting. He got a gentle kick to his cheek straight away! It was gentle, so I wasn't sure if he'd have felt it properly or realised it was the baby kicking. I asked him if he felt it, and he lifted his head and said yes. He lay his cheek back down and got another little kick there. This time he lifted his head and STARED at my tummy really hard from a few inches away! I couldn't interpret his expression, because I haven't really seen it before. I asked him if he felt another kick, and he said no, but I know he did because of the way he stopped and looked at my tummy like that. Maybe he registered at last that there really IS a baby in there and he's not as keen on the idea as we'd hoped? I hope that's not the reason! But it might be, I guess. We'll have to see how it goes for him over the next few months. He SEEMS happy and settled about things, so far, but he hasn't paid much attention to the idea yet.
I'm feeling pretty good at the moment, which is nice! I am really tired out in the evenings and have had a couple of earlier nights this week as a result. I'm usually up way too late, so it is good to get to bed earlier for a change! Nathan still wakes CRAZILY at night so I'm exhausted from that, although pretty accustomed to it by now I should think. His longest stretch is 3 hours ish, but after 1am or so, he is waking 1-2 hourly, or sometimes more frequently than every hour, I kid you not. It's starting to drive me nuts. Every time I get to the end of my tether about it, he suddenly improves a little and so I don't do much about it. I really MUST! But I don't really know what exactly.
We are about to buy bunk beds for the two older boys. They're a little young for bunk beds, but we're getting a lowish set that's really sturdy, and will not necessarily use the top bunk for a while yet. We'll see. They can be used as two singles if need be, though I'm not sure where we'll put them if that's how it pans out! All 3 boys will share the little bedroom. I've started to think this out a bit recently. Nathan is 14 months old tomorrow! I'm not sure how that has happened, but anyway! The baby is due just before he turns 18 months old, so less than 4 months from now (yikes!). So, ideally I would like him to be installed in the bedroom with the boys around 16 months old.
This has made me realise two things. One, I only have two months in which to sleep train him (he can't continue the wakings in there - even if he miraculously doesn't disturb the others each time, I do NOT want to trudge to another room 5+ times a night to settle him!) and get him moved in. So, I really must start whatever gruesome method of sleep training we go with NOW-ish. I don't want to do anything cry-it-outey, but he cries unless I pat/nurse him, and weaning him gradually off the breast at night has meant he's increased his demand for being patted (endlessly, like 20 minutes at a time or more, aaargh!) to settle him. Otherwise, he SCREAMS and sobs, and does not stop for a good 40 minutes. No fun several times a night when all is still and quiet and I'm totally wiped out! So I don't know what to do, but I have to do something in the next 2 months. Which isn't as long as it seems!
Okay, two - at 16 months, he isn't going to be old enough to transfer him directly into Matthew's toddler bed. I had planned on doing that, but he's going to be too little. I think Matthew was 20 months old when we turned his cotbed into a toddler bed, and he did fine, though he fell out all the time. Nathan seems sooooo little, even though he'll only be a few months younger. Twenty months seems way more ready for something like that than 16 months. So now we're thinking we must get the sides and ends down from the loft that make Matthew's toddler bed back into the cotbed, and put Nathan in that. BUT, it's Matthew's bed. He's never slept anywhere else from birth, and he loves his beddy. I am hoping he'll move happily into the new bunk bed, but if he doesn't we were hoping to allow him to just have longer in the toddler bed or something. Oh for more space!!! We need to move house really, but we CAN manage here if we have to, it's just a case of juggling things a bit!
Anyway. The new baby is meant to go in Nathan's cot, but will Nathey feel attached to it and not want to be anywhere different? Also, Matthew chewed enormous chunks of wood out of his cot ends (not the protected side bars!), and it's damaged enough so that we can't just put another child in it without fixing it first or something. I'm not sure how to go about that, because it's fiddly and there are lots of raw splinters. Also whatever we fix it with needs to be safe for another toddler to potentially chomp on, and I am not sure about finding something child-friendly to fill and seal the holes with! So, we had planned never to use it as a cotbed again, just a toddler bed (which is one of the reasons we bought a new cot for Nathan). Hmmm. I have to figure it out and implement it all, and sleep train that baby boy, in the next 8 weeks! Somehow.
What else can I say? Oh! There are only 7 days till I'm 24 weeks pregnant, and thus Tiny Boy will be viable!!! Yay! I always breathe a big sigh of relief at the 24 week milestone, although I know it would be BAD BAD news if he DID come at that time. At least then they would try to save his life instead of saying, "Oh, I'm so sorry..." if it happened a few days before that time! It makes me shudder to think about that. I seem to be more nervous this time about randomly breaking waters, than I ever was in my previous pregnancies. I'm sure that's due to my experience last pregnancy with my waters breaking for no apparent reason 5 weeks early. No sign of labour or anything, just - pop! Not even pop. Just wet bed at 6am really. I'm so nervous because surely if it could happen then, it could theoretically happen at ANY time with any other pregnancy? I get anxious now that he's kicking me WAY more strongly these last few days. With a ton of hefty kicks, and even one that hurt today for the first time, I keep thinking he's surely going to kick my bag of waters apart! I know that's not how nature works and that bag is built to withstand such stresses without any problem. But then it still nags in my mind that my tough built-to-withstand-stresses bag of waters broke last time long before it was meant to - something must have caused it! So I can't sit too easily about it this time, especially right now, JUST before the baby is able to survive if it happened. I know it's highly unlikely and I'll most likely be doing my nut at 41 weeks in a heatwave AGAIN like when I was waiting for Matthew! ;) But yeah.
Aaaargh, I've just realised I haven't made my antenatal appointment with my GP for 24 weeks! I must do that tomorrow! I have to see the GP for the 24 week appt, but I'm glad about it. I like seeing my midwife team, but I LOVE my GP and like that she's involved a little, so I'm looking forward to seeing her.
I had my VERY FIRST classic "large family" line from a Parcel Force delivery man the other day! I opened the door to receive a package from him (new (well, second-hand at eBay!) curtains and duvet covers for the boys' room with CARS on - they're so excited about them!), and as I signed for the package, the porch door opened and all three of my sweet little ones came walking/toddling into the porch in a little bunch, with curious expressions, wanting to see who was at the door. The delivery man said, "Are they all yours?!" and I felt so happy to hear that one, because it's a classic and I haven't qualified to hear it yet, apparently, hehe! I LOVE that I have enough little lovelies for someone to ask me if they're ALL mine! :D I said, "Yes, they're all mine!" and he said, "And another on the way as well?!" and I answered, "Yes, another one's coming." and smiled, because I couldn't help myself. He looked at the boys and said, "Your mum's a glutton for punishment, isn't she?!" *sigh* Thankfully I don't think they understand that term yet. But I am determined to always come across positive about having lots of little ones, especially in front of the childen, but in any case because I want people to know that it ISN'T a "cross to bear" (can you believe that one?!) or a punishment of some sort! Children are a blessing from God, a REWARD, says the Bible! And I heartily agree with that, more and more since I realised I needed to let God be in control of this area. So, I feel more positive, and I want to pass that on to (apparently) the entire world who think the opposite! Tsk! So, I just smiled and said, "They certainly keep me busy, but I love it!" And he smiled and asked Matthew if he was a good boy. Matthew said, "Um, yes!" and he said that was alright then, and went back to his delivery van with a wave and smile :)
I am having a lot more pubic bone pain this last week, and it's bothersome to some degree most of the time. At night time too, but not so bad. It hurts when I walk, and especially when I scissor my legs to go over kiddie safety gates! Today, Jemma and Jove came to visit for a good part of the day, and we all had a lovely time together! Jemma and I were pregnant together with Jaya and Arthur, but we didn't know each other then, till after Jaya was born (3 months before Arthur). And we were pregnant again together with Jove and Matthew, who are 3 months apart too. I think the last time we really visited with them properly was when Jove was on the way (Matthew not quite yet!), so it's been ages! It was so nice. Except (in huge contrast to the previous paragraph, haha!), as they left, I was holding Nathan on my hip (he was super clingy and cried most of the time, I think because he wasn't used to the two visitors in our home or something like that!) and Matthew and Arthur went out of the front door after I asked them to stay inside to watch Jemma and Jove off. Arthur at least stopped on the driveway when I called him to, but Matthew took off INTO THE ROAD giggling. Ugggggggghhhh! We live in a quiet cul-de-sac where cars don't often drive, but still. I was walking out after him with Nathan on my hip until I saw that he was about to make a run for it and probably not turn back, at which point I just had to RUN after him, across the road. He ran even with me running after him, and I caught up with him after a short while and walk him back to the house after a stern word. We watched Jemma and Jove go, but he had some DRAWN OUT discipline after that! ;) I need to do "something" about this! It's not safe that he does it and won't obey me! But I seem to be clueless about pretty much everything lately :(
Anyway, it did NOT feel sensible to be trying to sprint (not that I got too near to actually sprinting in my condition, haha!) with a baby bump AND a toddler sitting on it, bumping away like crazy because I was jogging along without supporting him too well! I think he ended up under my arm by the time I got to Matthew, or something. On the walk back to the house, the baby in my tummy had woken up all of a sudden and was kicking me in the most agitated way. It made me feel uneasy. My whole body felt like that had NOT been a good thing to do, and I'm having a lot more pubic bone pain since then. It's been really sore getting up from lying on my side to settle little ones into bed for the night.
Also this evening I lost my temper with Arthur (long story, feeling too bad about it to enlarge upon it, urgh) and yelled at him and just felt so BRISTLY with anger and irritation and yeurghsomeness. Nathan had a bad fall from the windowsill after climbing up there while I was disciplining Arthur for being horribly rude to me (at a LOSS tonight with those boys, honestly), and has bruised up his eye and the side of his head :( I felt so bad! I lost my temper with Arthur around the same time, and did way too much shouting and feeling angry. And after that the baby was kicking and punching about so hard, and wouldn't stop for a long time. Quite out of character really. Neil got home from work later than usual tonight, and when he did, the boys were nearly finished eating dinner. I asked for a time-out upstairs while he finished dinner, and just went and lay down. I read the Bible (the bit about the fruits of the Spirit, ugggghhh, I so need self-control. And gentleness. And patience! And peace. And kindness. Well, all of them really!) and prayed for a long while about those things in me (or the lack thereof lately). I tried to rest and calm down, but the whole time, the baby was WALLOPING my insides. He seemed to be kick-boxing my tummy low down, and stamping on my bladder and cervix for good measure. He seemed as angry and agitated as I felt, and I just felt so AWFUL about that, because - poor little tiny! He's only half-finished inside my tummy and yet he has already endured the DUMPAGE of my unnecessary emotions, and the physical side-effects of that. I got worried about how agitated he seemed after a while, because he just wasn't stopping or calming down. I feel like that was bad for him, and I caused it.
He calmed down a lot when I brought Nathan up and nursed him in my bed at bedtime - Neil was wonderous and got the boys ready for bed while I tried to calm down upstairs. I didn't feel angry any more upstairs, just upset and "rattled". I just wanted to cry and cry before Neil got home, with the situation as it was, but that isn't going to help the kids or me at that time, so I didn't!
Baby boy has stayed really kicky this evening, but much calmer and not so constant. His kicks are so much stronger than they even were a few days ago! I'm surprised by it! I think he must be breech at the moment, given the stomps on my cervix this evening! ;)
Well, I've written for EVER and now it's time I went to bed. I feel so tired out and I really want a GALLON of water to drink. I'm peeing more these days, and not making it quite through the night without having to go to the loo, so I guess there's more pressure from the beany one! I am also a lot more achy and heavy feeling in my pelvis and the front of my bump low down, which is uncomfy a lot but I should adjust soon (I hope!). Also I have had some evening nausea for a few nights lately, and sometimes queasiness in the day, but it seems different to morning sickness. It seems like my bump has risen quite quickly, and once it's above the tummy button, any quick rises lead to a "re-shuffle" inside and some pressure on my stomach that I'm not accustomed to. So I presume that's why the nausea. It should clear up soon. I had a bad headache yesterday but thankfully it was a one-day thing, and not longer! It laughed in the face of painkillers, so I was glad it had gone by this morning!
Okay, back another time - 24 weeks probably! Yay! Belly picture will be due again and I should have an antenatal appt to write about too :)
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