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2009-02-15 - 11:53 p.m.��previous entry��next entry
19 weeks, 4 days - nearly halfway, and scan this week!!!!
Aaargh, must update!!! I was shocked looking at the last entry - 17 weeks and 2 days, and now it's more than 2 weeks later! Oops.
Okay, it's late as usual so I will try to be quick!
I'll be 20 weeks pregnant on Wednesday! Wow. Halfway! I can't believe how fast it's going. It's actually totally surreal that I'm almost 20 weeks. I can't quite get my head around it!
On the same day, I have my scan!! Just THREE DAYS TO GO!!!! Yay! I feel absolutely sure we're simply going to confirm that Babydot is a boy, rather than going to find out if it's a girl or a boy. That is okay! I am absolutely longing to have a baby girl one day, but I'm happy and excited about THIS baby being a boy. Funny enough, even though for once, this pregnancy I KNOW I'm having a boy and am happy with it, it's only recently that I've found myself distracted by thoughts of "Ohhh I'd LOVE to have a daughter!" more than ever before. Unconnected to this pregnancy though, if that makes sense. I feel so thankful and RELIEVED at the idea that we're trusting God for our family size, because I'm hoping and praying (regularly, lol!) that he will yet bless us with more babies, and that I will have a baby girl one day. For now, I am absolutely REJOICING in my baby boys! I feel like pinching myself a lot lately with how delighted I am with my little ones. Matthew and Nathan happen to be going through especially unbearably cute phases right now, and I just can't believe I've been so blessed as to have three precious little boys. I would not change them for girls any day! I adore my boys, and love that they ARE boys. I don't know what having a girl is like, or what the mama/daughter relationship is like, but my boys are all super cuddly and affectionate with me. They love me in such an intense and precious way, and show it frequently. Nathan is like a little teddy bear! He doesn't wriggle to be set down. I can snuggle him to my heart's content, and know that he or Matthew will come over to give me a cuddle at any moment, if they're playing near me. I have the most cuddly children, and I'm so delighted about it!
I can't wait to snuggle ANOTHER sweet baby boy and see what he looks like - who he resembles out of my 3 boys and in what ways. I can't wait to see him start to interact with them! Nathan is just lately beginning to play WITH Arthur and Matthew, and alongside them independently, which is lovely to see. He is also asserting himself with them a lot more (and winning, sometimes!). He is starting to play rough-and-tumble and giggle non-stop. I could honestly have boys and boys and boys for as long as my body with continue to bear them! But I would love me a daughter one day :)
We are undecided on the baby's name still. I can't remember where I left off with that in previous entries. I know I said we were 100% decided on Benjamin Robert, and then there were family issues with that (my brother is Benjamin Robert Edward), which made us consider Benjamin Isaac or Noah Benjamin instead. I just did not feel that this baby is a Noah, so we went back to Benjamin Isaac as a definite name. Then, just as that seemed vaguely settled, a baby was born at church (the only one till mine is due!) and has been named Benjamin. Which took the wind out of our sails somewhat! So, we prayed about it and just became more open-minded to names in general, asking that God would guide us. In that process, I have found my heart drawn to focus on name MEANINGS more than ever before. We've never really focused on meanings of names, just gone with names we like. Arthur was totally a name we like. We didn't even check the meaning, I don't think!
Matthew and Nathan were also names we like, and we DID check the meanings. They happened to have meanings that we love, and surprisingly have the same meanings! They both mean "gift of God" - well, Nathan means "given by God" but some sources say "gift of God" as well. Which we really liked, because they ARE gifts from God! I love that their names mean that.
This time I can't decide. I am continually distracted by the desire to give this baby a name with specific meaning. We've considered names we NEVER would have before, simply because of the meaning. At the moment I like Noah again because it means rest, and this baby is definitely BY FAR the least vigorous and kicky and strong of all my pregnancies. I am feeling pretty certain I don't have an anterior placenta, at least not any more (if I even did have). I feel baby parts really clearly sticking out of my tummy, the kicks and taps are clear and not muffled or cushioned, they're just so much more gentle or "small" than I am used to at this stage. They're getting stronger, but remain much gentler than each comparitive stage in previous pregnancies. So, if this baby IS a boy (I've heard that boys are more vigorous and the strength of their kicks greater in the womb than girls, especially earlier on), then it's an unusually gentle, restful one in my experience! So, Noah would fit well. It definitely fitted the baby at the 12 week scan - he was so laid-back and relaxed, resting his little head on my placenta like a pillow! Very fitting. I love the name. I just think Arthur, Matthew, Nathan and Noah doesn't flow as well as I'd hoped, but that's a small detail I suppose. Noah Benjamin would be the combo of choice, because it uses Benjamin and sounds beautiful, to me anyway! So lovely! But it means Benjamin is officially USED, and thus I can't ever have "my Benjamin" for any future baby boys.
I am also considering Reuben, because I like the name, and it goes fine with everyone's name and our surname. Also it means, "Behold, a son!" hahaha! I like the slightly comic aspect of that one! ;) I would probably like to keep Benjamin as the middle name though, and Reuben Benjamin doesn't flow so well, with the Ben-Ben thing in the middle there. But, the middle name is quickly forgotten and never really used, so that doesn't matter too much.
Benjamin means (I've been doing a ton of researching on Hebrew websites! I want to be SURE on the exact meanings!) "Son of my right hand". Sometimes it's translated "Son of the South" because in Old Testament (bilical) days, a person's right hand was used to signify the south, and the left hand to signify the north. But the right hand was also used to signify strength or power. So, sometimes Benjamin has been translated, "Son of my strength". When I saw that one, I really liked it, because there's a Bible verse I was reading the other day when we were praying about the baby's name, which says:
"This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it."" (Isaiah 30:15)
We had just been talking about trusting God over the "big things", and how we've been doing that so much more since Neil was out of work for that long time a year ago. Including trusting God for our family size and the timing of our children. Just the part about "in quietness and trust is your strength" really stood out to me as personal. Then when I found the meaning of Benjamin as "son of my strength", I loved it all the more because our "strength" is trusting God - in this case with my womb. This baby is the first that we've truly just trusted God for without trying to control any part of it - he is the result of that trust. So, the name Benjamin, to me, is extremely fitting, and I'm excited about using it! I really want part of his name to carry this special meaning.
I actually like Asher as well (happy, fortunate, blessed) because then the full name would basically talk of being blessed and happy to have this son as a result of trusting God! To us, that's what it would mean :) But Asher and Arthur.... hmmm, no, too samey!
I also like Toby and Elliot (or Elijah), but Neil isn't crazy about them so they're out for now.
We haven't even looked at girl names AT ALL this pregnancy, which is a first for us! We're totally expecting to have a boy, so there is no point looking at girl names whatsoever if that's the case! If, somehow, this baby IS a girl, we'll just have to get looking at names after we've discovered the fact! ;) I wonder if we'll be waiting to see the baby to find out which name he suits best, for the first time?! That seems so strange to me, because I've always had a name absolutely ready by the scan, so we have used it with absolute certainty from that point on. It seems so strange to NOT name the baby for sure from the time we find out the gender! I hope we DO find out the gender. I would love to just confirm and be able to name him and so on.
I think I may have felt his first bout of hiccups yesterday evening. It seemed to disappear fast though, so I wasn't sure. Then this morning, lying in bed when I woke, I was sure I felt them again! They felt SO familiar, like it's a very usual sensation deep in my belly, even though I have gaps where I'm NOT pregnant with a hiccupping baby! ;) Anyway, those were gone fast again, but were so jerky and rhythmic that I feel pretty sure they were hiccups. I'm not 100% sure till they last a little longer I think. But yay, hiccups! Good boy (?) for practising breathing movements already!
Babydot is now about 10 inches long from head to HEEL - yes, the measurements at 20 weeks change from head-to-rump for the first time, to head-to-heel - full length measurements, yay!!! I'm so excited! Also, pretty soon the baby should hit the 1lb mark in weight! It's so amazing how there's a real person growing inside me! It's really happening, and the little person is getting more "real" baby-like with each passing week. I cannot believe we're talking 10 inches long and almost 1lb already. Wow.
I don't know what I weigh. I haven't weighed myself at all this pregnancy! I keep not getting round to it, and it really doesn't matter one bit anyway, but I like a record for comparison. I think I am gaining weight. I'm still fitting my size 12 maternity jeans, but some are getting tight on the thighs, so that's a sure sign, lol! I end up in size 16 maternity jeans usually, though with Arthur I was still squeezing into size 14 by the end. I gain the same amount every pregnancy, so I'd like to see if I'm doing the same this time. I think by 17 weeks with all 3 of my previous pregnancies I had gained between 6 and 8lbs. I'm sad that I didn't weigh myself at that time, so I have no idea if I'm on track with the other times. I probably am.
I'm eating great and LOVING water (it's like nectar, especially ice cold!) right now, which is in HUGE contrast to the morning sickness days. I like all food! I am having no cravings yet.
I'm having dizzy spells quite a lot, but I think they're aggravated by tiredness. I do keep having late nights, which is SO DAFT of me, and the days make me tired with the little ones and the muchly-increased housework (see my latest blog entry for an explanation!), BUT on the whole, taking that into account, I think my energy is at a great level at this stage of my pregnancy. Which is so nice! I'm also eager to clean and "nest". The new chores system I'm doing is hugely motivating to me right now, especially since I've just started it, but I'm also "physically" motivated to clean and sort and nest right now, which helps! I'm doing other stuff that isn't on my chores list, just because I really want to fix this or sort that.
We need to move house this year. But I've reached a stage of my pregnancy now where I am instinctively wanting to nest down and prepare to give birth and care for a new baby. And that makes me feel primally ODD, physically, when presented with the idea of moving house anytime before ohhh, November?! I need to remember that with Neil at work, my history is that I struggle to cope with life and my hormones are difficult to deal with until SIX months after a new baby. I had NO depression or hormonal issues whatsoever after Nathan, nothing but extreme joy and happiness! But Neil wasn't working and the load on me was waaaay different as I recovered and adjusted after the birth, so that may account for it. Since he's working this time, I should be careful to prepare for the possibility that I'll be hormonally influenced for the first 6 months (till next January, therefore) after the baby is born, and plan accordingly. For me, that would mean a house move before next January would be VERY hard and possibly complicated for me, health-wise. If I'm wise I wouldn't consider moving in that window. But that means we stay here another YEAR! And the housing market and the economy just get worse in the meantime. We have a tiny tiny house with four small children (or we will have after the baby is here!) - I figured out that our home is something like 600 square feet, since everyone on the US forums I go to talks about the square footage of their homes (and we don't here), so I figured it out. We have two downstairs rooms - the living room is 12x15, and the kitchen is 12x9. No hallways, the front door opens onto a tiny porch (2x3ft?) which opens onto the living room. The stairs are part of the living room, on the back wall. Upstairs we have 2 bedrooms - 12x9 and 12x7. And the bathroom sandwiched in between. The boys share the smaller bedroom, and all 3 will share it from July. The baby will be in with us in the bigger room. It will totally work, and I don't believe space in the bedrooms is a problem - I know that might sound crazy, but they don't have toys or play in their room - bedrooms are for bedtime stories and sleep in this house! But the downstairs space (or lack thereof) is a potential problem. Right now, they play happily in the ONE room - though my recent cleaning has opened up the kitchen to them for safe play too, which is a great help - SO LONG AS they get long outings in big wide-open spaces like the park. Which we try to do as often as possible for them. We have a tiny garden out the back which helps too.
So, we really OUGHT to move! ;) But we'll manage here for now. We're thinking/praying about it.
Aaargh, so incredibly long-winded!!! I'm sure there's more to say, but I need to go to bed. I will update after the scan, if not the night before. It's on Wednesday at 2.30pm (UK), but it's up to an hour long so we won't be home before 4pm, and then we'll finish the day with the boys and tell relatives our news before I'll have chance to post about it. I can't wait!!! I just hope and pray that nothing is wrong with the baby, and everything is normal, and the measurements, etc, quick and easy to do at the time. I hope we find out the gender too! :) At the moment we can't find anyone to watch the boys while we go to the scan, so that's a bit of a dilemma for us :S I DON'T want to take all three into the scan with us! The hospital doesn't like you to have young children there if at all possible, and we have three! But they don't REFUSE them, so if we have to, we have to. I don't want Neil to have to miss it - he has the day off work for it. My grandparents are in California on holiday, my brother is working, Neil's sister is free but her 3-year-old is vomiting right now so we'd rather they stayed home to be honest! I tried a couple of people at church but they couldn't. I have one more person to try at church and then we're stumped I think. We'll have to take the boys, and PRAY that we don't have a long wait, there are no delays, and the scan is remarkably quick with easy-to-find baby parts to measure, etc! I also will be praying that the boys behave, because they are not always doing that out and about, frustratingly. Also that they won't fidget, fuss, distract or annoy the sonographer, or spoil our special time seeing our littlest baby! We really wanted to find out the gender ourselves, soak it in and enjoy watching the baby, THEN come home and tell the boys - not have them hear it from the sonographer at the same time we do. But oh well. It will be okay, I hope! If the worst comes to the worst, Neil will have to take them out of the room while the rest of the scan is done, but I so don't want that to have to happen.
Anyway, I'll update again soon!! My next belly picture is also due at 20 weeks. I do have an 18 week one but it's not a good one (my top is bunched in the wrong place so it doesn't show my bump as accurately as I'd like) and I haven't got around to uploading it yet! I will soon!
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