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2004-11-06 - 8.30pm��previous entry��next entry
40 weeks, 1 day - hanging in there, and a few photos...
Hello, I�m still here! I�m in a much better mood today though :) Thank you for yet more lovely supportive guestbook entries � I really appreciate you guys soooo much!! *hugs*
Well the due date came and went, and here we are still waiting. No signs of labour whatsoever today, as usual. But I slept reeeally well, I�m not sure why. I haven�t slept that well in months! I think it made a big difference that Neil had his first lie-in in aaages, so I didn�t get woken up too early and was able to sleep till I naturally came round. I only woke up twice to pee, and I wasn�t in so much pain as normal, so of course that got me wondering if maybe Arthur had popped back up out of my pelvis again. The first thing I do every morning when I come downstairs is bounce on the birth ball for 10 minutes though, so I�m sure that would have brought him back down again if he HAD popped back up in the night! Anyway, I felt soooo much better for my good sleep. Today I have had more energy again, and I felt like going for a walk as soon as I got up!
We didn�t go for a walk, but we�ve had a good day. I am just choosing to ignore the fact that Arthur isn�t here even though his due date has passed, and that helps a lot. What DOESN�T help is when everybody else keeps reminding me of it! Phrases like, �I can�t believe you�re still here!� or �Ohhh I�m so disappointed that you haven�t given birth yet!� make me want to slap someone! How insensitive can you get?! You think YOU�RE disappointed?!!! Are YOU carrying the baby?! Well shut up then! Tsk. If I haven�t got a baby in my arms, then obviously I�m �still here�. I don�t need it pointing out to me thanks. Why don�t people think before they open their mouths/type a message?!! Grrr. I am also getting tired of people blaming Arthur. It�s starting to make me feel protective of him and irritated at anyone who says, �Now come ON Arthur! You should be coming out by now � your poor Mummy!� etc. I know that�s well-meant, and a few days ago I was telling Arthur to come out and let Mummy�s tummy stop stretching, etc, but now I am feeling protective of my boy. It�s not his fault! He�s only a little baby in there, and he will come out when he�s ready. Also I don�t like that the above implies that he �should� have come out by now. It wouldn�t be wrong or abnormal for him to stay in there for up to 2 weeks after my due date, since I am not post-term until then. So my sweet boy is doing just the RIGHT thing, and I am starting to feel protective when people speak to my bump accusingly! I have stopped doing that myself, and today I find myself stroking my bump and telling Arthur he should come out whenever he�s ready, and that there�s no rush just yet. Which is soooo nice, considering how I was feeling during the week!
This weekend my parents are not visiting, because they are giving us space for what is probably our last weekend together, just me and Neil as a couple. I�m grateful for that, because as much as I love my parents and enjoy seeing them, and even though they usually live in another country and are only here for a short while, I have started to long for time with Neil alone, and not just evenings after he�s been at work. So it was lovely of them to suggest we take the whole weekend without them visiting � unless I really want to see them tomorrow or something. But I�m really enjoying my weekend with Neil so far, so I think I will see them on Monday, unless I give birth before then. I�ve stopped holding out for that so much though. I am starting to look a few days ahead now, and plan things to do that don�t involve recovering from giving birth! It�s a relief to plan a few things as if the birth ISN�T going to happen. Waiting for it is such a stress. Of course I don�t mind those plans being disrupted at ALL, if I do go into labour before then! But it�s nice to relax the intense focus a bit.
So today we have been quite constructive! I realised I hadn�t been out of the house in over a week (!!!) as I�ve felt too exhausted and in pain to go out, and I�ve had my mum to visit me during the day. But lately I just feel like I want to go out and see other people in the street, and breathe some fresh air. So we took all the bags of clothes and things to the British Heart Foundation charity shop, which was something that needed doing, and then we went to Homebase on the way home, and bought an extra bucket for the homebirth! I think we�ll end up needing to bale the pool out with buckets (urgh), so two buckets is better than one! Also a bucket is an item on the homebirth list, for the midwives to use as a bin.
There is the MOST beautiful fireworks display going on at the moment. It�s pretty noisy too! I have just opened the curtains and put the light out, so I can watch it from the window as I write this. Fireworks night was last night, but because it�s Saturday, the biggest displays seem to be today instead. I love Fireworks night! Last year we went to a fantastic display, and this year, well obviously I�m a bit pregnant for that, but I do have this overwhelming urge to be out at a display somewhere, breathing crispy air and enjoying the occasion. It would probably make Arthur jump a lot though, poor thing! Although he hasn�t been jumping at ALL at the fireworks that have been going for the last few nights, not even the big loud ones. There seem to be fewer ones that flash and boom this year. Maybe they got banned? They always seemed waaay antisocial to me, so I�m glad! I know Arthur can hear the fireworks. I keep telling him they are to celebrate him, because he will be born anytime soon :) I hope he is not going to be a little boy who is scared of fireworks, because he will always have a lot of them going on around his birthday.
Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, so we went to Homebase. We bought extra batteries too, and we were looking for a tray (last thing still to get on the homebirth list) but they didn�t have any. Nooobody asked me, �When�s your baby due?!� like they have been doing for months and months every time I go in a shop!! I can�t believe it! I am longing for someone to ask so that I can say, �Yesterday!� or something equally impressive! :) When we got home, our neighbour was washing his car, and as I lumbered/tumbled hugely out of the car door, he said there couldn�t be long for me to go now, and I was able to tell him (proudly!) that I was due yesterday!! His eyes went big :) That�s another thing, people are still staring at my bump as I walk past them in shops, but now I am noticing that everybody�s eyes go really wide as they watch me, hehe! I guess I LOOK as pregnant as I am now! Oh, I have three photos to show you. They aren�t very interesting but humour me � I wish I had cute pics of Arthur to show you but I don�t yet, so these will have to do for now!
Neil just snaps pictures of me doing things, especially eating for some reason! Needless to say, those ones come out super-undignified and you don�t get to see them therefore! ;) But here�s one of me sorting clutter like there�s no tomorrow (because there might not be, at least, in a way that I�ve always known it!):
And here�s one taken last week � I had a hankering for custard and sponge pudding (mmm!) so I was making some custard one evening in my pyjamas, and I just looked up and there was Papparazi-Neil (!!), catching me in action! I don�t know why he finds me and food so fascinating. But here�s the photo (see our new kitchen floor down there?!):
And then this last one IS nice :) It�s me and my parents, the first day they were here (Monday I think). Neil took a photo of us together in our living room. Don�t my mummy and daddy look lovely?! I know I�m biased, but who cares :) I love my parents. I�m just sooo happy they�re here, it�s so nice to see them. Oh yes, the photo!...
Oooh these fireworks are so pwetty!! I fancy some fresh air again, but it�s 8pm and we haven�t got anywhere to go. Slightly pathetic truth, but there we go! I just feel�. very perky and energetic today. I still tire easily, but I just feel bubbly and� I can�t put my finger on it really. Like I suddenly feel like catching up on a ton of socialising and cooking and cleaning and exercise and basically LIFE in general! I feel the complete opposite to sluggish, whatever the word for the opposite of sluggish is. If I sit in the central heating for too long I do feel sluggish again though. But it�s nice to have this burst of energy. Maybe it�s a pre-labour thing? I�ve heard of that. But I don�t care to start hoping and wondering again like I�ve been doing with everything else for the past couple of weeks! So I�m just going to enjoy it.
When we got home from Homebase, Neil took the old vacuum to the tip and I made vast quantities of stew! Then I took a nap for a couple of hours on the sofa, and actually slept!!! And when I wasn�t asleep I was feeling cosy and comfy and snoozy, so I just stayed there dozing on and off till the stew was ready. It�s so weird. I haven�t been like this with sleep and rests for most of my pregnancy � a long time anyway. And now to be sleeping well and feeling energetic� it�s unusual for me, but I love it! I guess I won�t have it for long, so I�m enjoying it while it lasts! Anyway then we ate some of the stew for a late lunch, and there are 2 meals worth left for the freezer. Our freezer is now completely full of meals!! Yay! Mission accomplished in that dept at last!! We have salmon in there, and 2 meals of stew, 4 meals of spaghetti bolognese, and 2 meals of sausage casserole. Also the ever present supply of fish fingers! I have been really into fish fingers during my pregnancy. They are a comfort food to me from childhood anyway, so I like them pregnant or not. So that�s pretty good as far as easy meals for after the birth go! I�m so pleased. Now I just need to get around to organising the changing station for Arthur, and making 7 more birth announcements, and we�re done! Mummy has been tidying up the remaining clutter in the house for us. I lie on the bed and she picks something up and I tell her where it goes! She has been so so helpful while she�s been here, I�m really grateful.
Um, what else? I have played my Theme Hospital game for a bit this afternoon, and tonight we are going to cosy down and watch some videos, after I finish this entry. I wish we could go and watch some fireworks but the displays will be almost finished so never mind. I�m enjoying this one from my window anyway! I think I will open the window for that �authentic� Fireworks night smell, mixed with cold air! Ahhh, such a nostalgic smell! :) Ooooh it smells fantastic out there! All smoky and crisp, and it�s raining too, so there�s a wonderful rain smell mingled with the bonfire smell! Mmmm! I love Fireworks night! It�s a lot more noisy since I opened the window but maybe that will help labour start or something, heh.
Arthur has been very active today. He�s had hiccups once, but while I was taking a nap on the sofa, he woke me several times because he was moving so forcefully that it was hurting me! He was shoving his body upwards, using his bottom and feet to push his head against my cervix as hard and sharply as he could, over and over! Then he was punching me above his head, on my cervix and against my bowel behind it, which really hurt! I think maybe he wants to come out or something! Anyway that hurt a lot but I dozed on and off between thumps and shoves � I just felt so warm and sleepy. He hasn�t done that since my nap though. He has just been doing his normal thing of pushing his feet around gently in my side. I am soooo going to miss that! It�s the cutest feeling :)
I put cream on my belly today. It�s itchy and getting more stretch marks. They are faint and purple so far though, not raw red or huge yet. They are just above and below my belly button, in the middle. The stretch marks on my hips are worse though, and they are itchy these days. I do itch in general a bit more than normal, but I am not worried about it being to do with my liver or anything, because it�s not severe at all. I also noticed that today and yesterday I have got some spots on my face, the exact same ones I usually would get before a period. I haven�t had those at all this pregnancy, so it�s been a long time. Hmmm, what ARE my hormones doing?! Preparing for birth, I hope!
Dum de dum�. What else can I tell you? I�m sure there was something. I keep feeling crampy in my lower back and belly, but not with contractions, just dull and dragging like when I have a period. All good signs though. We ARE going to try sex again. Every time might make my cervix that little bit more ripe for labour. I am guessing it just can�t be ripe enough yet, since if it was, the act of bouncing Arthur against it would be causing labour to start by now. But it isn�t, so I guess it�s not quite ripe enough. For some reason I can�t bear the idea of checking my own cervix like I used to when we were trying to conceive. I feel soooo squeamish about the idea that a cervix that�s ripe for labour should feel mushy and goo-like! I don�t know what�s wrong with me, but I just feel like I�d come over all weird and weak if I felt my cervix all mushy! Hehe. I am silly. But yeah, also it�s not a great plan to check your own cervix at this stage. Don�t want to introduce infection or anything, or cause any bleeding when it doesn�t need to bleed. So I�ll just wait. Labour has to happen sooner or later, whatever is happening with my cervix right now.
I feel a lot more positive today. And more accepting of having to wait. I know this will probably change from day to day though, so maybe I won�t feel so patient tomorrow or the next day! I am so glad to have been out of the house today though. It did me a lot of good, especially now I have the energy to go out. Tomorrow we are going to the supermarket (ooh, the thrill!), and if I have energy left after that we might go for a walk in the park. Woooah that was a loud firework! Arthur didn�t jump though. I�m torn over whether to go to church or not tomorrow, since I haven�t felt up to going for a few weeks now, and I probably COULD go tomorrow. I would like to see everybody and praise God with them too. But this is not a good time to visit the germiest church in the world (!!), as a bad cold right now would be very inconvenient, to say the least! And I am put off by the knowledge that at least 6 or 7 people are going to say insensitive things that will drive me crazy about how I still haven�t given birth, or how I�m so huge I must surely be carrying quadruplets, etc! People say such stupid things, like they don�t think at all before saying them. *sigh* So we are thinking maybe we could do without that in the week after my due date, so we may not go.
My ribs ache now, and I can�t think of anything else useful to say, so I think I�ll stop for now. I will update again tomorrow, and of course sooner if there�s anything exciting happening before tomorrow! Thanks again to everybody for all the support and encouragement! It really means so much to me and makes a big difference to how I feel when I read a supportive message, so thank you!! :)
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