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2005-12-01 - 10.18pm��previous entry��next entry
13 weeks, 1 day pregnant - thoughts about gender and birth and stuff...
Urrrgh, sorry it's been such an age since I updated! Thank you so much to everyone who left me such a nice message about Sprout's scan, even though I was so grumpy about it in my entry! ;) I feel a bit bad that I was so grumpy. The next day I felt completely different, had forgotten the crappy sonographer, and was marvelling over my beautiful picture of tiny Sprout in a very soppy way! :) I can't believe I complained so much about something so special! Whether it met my expectations or not, it was such a gift to be able to get a glimpse of my tiny one and check that all was well. Thank you so much for the lovely messages! :)
Soooo I am 13 weeks pregnant already!! Wow. This last week feels like it has lasted longer than many of the previous weeks, but it is still going by so fast. I feel MUCH less nauseous now, which is wonnnderful! I do still have some queasiness every day, but I barely register it enough to tell you how much I have and when. I can eat what I like, and I don't have to think about how long I can last or whether I can make it out of the house, etc. It's such a relief! I hate feeling sick!
Lately (well, always!) I am really tired though, so we are still not getting out as much as we should (Arthur and I, that is). The weather has gone very cold, rainy and windy, and that is the kind of weather I LOVE while I'm in my cosy house, but am not crazy about being out in! It gets dark so quickly too. I would say I get out of the house maybe twice a week. That's much better than once or NO times like before though! I wish I could get myself out more for Arthur's sake. I wish it was nicer around here to just go out of the front door and take a walk for a bit, but it isn't. Hey ho. Maybe we'll move if Neil gets this job he's applying for, and then we'd make sure we moved to a nice area, and we could go for walks and stuff all the time!
Since I last wrote, I have been eating plenty of fried mushrooms, but still not convinced they are a "real" craving as I'm not having to have them at all costs! I have the same liking for satsumas, but again it's just an extreme liking rather than an all-out craving. Those are the only two foods so far though.
At my June due dates group online, somebody started a post about the Chinese Gender Chart. I remember looking at that when I was pregnant with Arthur, and it said I was having a girl so I have just pooh-poohed it ever since. But I followed a few links this time and discovered that the chart I used last time was just one where you enter your age at the time of conception and then the month that you conceived, and it tells you whether the baby will be a boy or a girl. Well, that's not really how the Chinese Gender charts are supposed to work. They are entirely based on LUNAR ages, not the age you think you are in years. So I entered my age at the time of conception with Arthur (27) and then the month of conception (February) and got girl. This time I went to a site which calculates your lunar age and weirdly it was 29. And even more weirdly, lo and behold, the chart said boy for my pregnancy with Arthur. So I did one for this pregnancy (my lunar age is 30) and it said GIRL!!! I then spent an age checking it for all my relatives for a whole century back, and it was accurate for every single one of them. Spooky.
Here's another thing that I found out at the Chinese Gender chart site - the way it works is that the lunar cycles have an effect on the body, causing it to have a more acid or alkaline balance. This means that your bodily secretions will be either more acid or more alkaline depending on the moon's gravitational influence. Heck, if it can pull tides in and out and we are made of mostly water, I'm sure it can affect our bodies in weird ways! Sooo that brings us to CM and its acidity, and the strong influence that has on sperm survival. Female sperm can survive in acidic CM which kills off male sperm. Male sperm THRIVE in alkaline CM. So apparently my body was very alkaline when I conceived Arthur (according to the chart) and acidic when I conceived this baby. The chart has been tested to 66.5% accuracy, which sounds pretty crap but statistically it's not that bad really. It gives a 2:1 chance of conceiving a baby with a "chosen" gender if you use it that way, apparently.
Anyway, this part is a bit TMI but oh well, it's relevant. The last two fertile cycles I had (including this one where I got pregnant), I noticed a weird thing about my CM at the time. I was checking it a lot and charting it, but I wasn't being OVERLY fascinated by it or anything. I noticed a weird thing that I don't remember ever noticing before so specifically - my CM smelled faintly like vinegar. I kid you not. No, I did not smell it! I just happened to notice. It seemed pretty strong to me (though it was a faint smell) and I remember at the time wondering if everything was okay! Also I was worried because the first month I noticed it (the month before this baby was conceived, when I had a chemical pregnancy) I really wanted to get pregnant and I knew acid CM was hostile to sperm in general. I couldn't fathom why it would seem almost like vinegar at my most fertile time! I figured it had to be pretty acidic to smell sort of like vinegar.
Anyway, when the same thing happened the next cycle, I didn't worry so much because it had happened the last time and I had conceived.
But - yet more freaky! - I checked the Chinese Gender chart with my lunar age, and found that in August, my lunar age changed from 29 to 30. So for August and September my lunar age was 30, and checking that against the chart for those months gave me "girl" predictions for both months - the two months where I had noticed this acidic smell (which would be WAY more likely to result in a girl). In July my lunar age was 29, and checking that against the chart, I found that it predicted BOY, thus not acidic, which is exactly what I noticed in my body. Also for many months before that (back to before I got my first post partum period), the prediction was boy, which would explain why the weird CM thing struck me as being different from anything I had noticed since before Arthur.
Sooooo freaky. But kind of exciting, because what if it really IS accurate and it's right for me, and I really am expecting a girl?! Also I hated citrus my whole pregnancy with Arthur, and just read that citrus fruits are a big "girl" craving, according to the old wives tales.
BUT I don't know why I am even fiddling about with all this stuff! Most of it is complete nonsense anyway. I feel odd because alllll this time I have preferred the idea of having another boy, and then suddenly when we thought we saw boy bits at the scan, I realised that something deep inside me preferred the idea of having a little girl. I had NO idea that was even there! So the chart has me excited. But if the baby is a boy, you KNOW I will be so thrilled! I love having a baby boy, and I have always wanted to say, "My boys!". It gives me such a buzz to think of giving Arthur a brother so close in age, more so than a sister for some reason. So I will be thrilled to have another boy. But there's this other part, wondering.... I am itching to find out one way or the other!! I will just have to wait! But now that it's December, my scan is NEXT MONTH!!! Okay so it's 2 months away, but it's still next month! :)
I AM curious about the chart though. I would be so interested (and grateful) if as many people as possible could just check it with their lunar ages (working those out at the link above) for their pregnancies, and tell me if the chart was right or wrong for you. If I get a whole lot of "Nah, it's wrong for me!" then I will be less... hanging on the thought of it, or something. The link to the actual chart is here, but you can enter dates and get the same info here. Please let me know! I am so curious to see if it's as accurate for others as it seems to be for my family. If Sprout is a boy, then he'll be the first baby in 100 years in my family to be predicted wrongly by that chart. *shiver*
I am feeling Sprout move every day these days. I feel taps and pops and I LOVE those because I know they are teeny tiny hands and feet bopping me! I also feel squirms and general shoves and Sprout's little lump-like form seems so much bigger this week, sticking out of my lower abdomen when he/she pushes out! Sprout is now over 7cm long from crown to rump! My embryology site only gave measurements up to 13 weeks so I will now start tracking that with Babycenter.com's chart which I relied on last time. It seemed to be the nearest thing to accuracy on the whole internet last pregnancy! Babycenter.co.UK keeps telling me ridiculous things about the size of my baby (totally inaccurate) so I don't rely on that at all, though I enjoy reading the rest of the developmental updates! I love that the Babycenter.com chart gives weights as well! Sprout doesn't even weigh one ounce yet! Sooo tiny :) He/she will hit the one-ounce mark this week though.
I have been having bad IBS this week, ugh. The double up with pain type that I don't normally get very often. I had it a little more often with my last pregnancy too, but only in the first half of pregnancy as I recall. I remember last time being absolutely panicked because I couldn't IMAGINE anything more painful and did not cope with it well at all! I was worried that I would go to pieces during labour if I couldn't cope with IBS pain! But now I've been through labour (and back labour at that) I can definitely say that my IBS pain, when it's bad, definitely compares to labour. Not as bad as back labour though! I can't think of anything that comes close to that kind of pain. Ow. I have to use breathing to get through the IBS pain lately and I don't manage it all that well. Urgh. At least it isn't like it very much, and hopefully it will not happen after a few more weeks.
Still horribly constipated. I have been sprinkling linseeds on my cereal for a week, as per Jemma's suggestion, but so far no change. I know I need to drink more fluids though, and get more exercise, so those are probably the main culprits!
Oooh I really really really feel like some French bread right now! Not even the UK version of it - REAL French bread! But of course there isn't any.
What else? I still get blood on the tissue every day when I blow my nose. Pretty much always from the noggin side, but so far no actual noggin. I hope it doesn't grow back! I am kind of snotty. Pregnancy always makes me snotty. I LOVE being able to say, "Pregnancy always..."!!! I love that I have already been blessed enough to have done this once and now I'm doing it again! I love being pregnant sooooooooooo much!!!!
I am getting so excited about having a tiny little new baby again! I still can't get my head round the fact that I HAVE one growing in my belly! Talking of which, I think I am beginning to show. I have a definite pregnant belly low down, but it's mostly bloat. It's due to everything being pushed up though, so it is pregnancy related. If I suck my stomach in as much as I can, it no longer goes flat. There's just a really rounded look to my flatness, hehe! It wasn't there before. I don't think I ever "popped" last time though. I just evvver so gradually seemed to get more and more curvy of belly, rather than flat as a pancake and then suddenly sporting a bump! I am expecting the same this time really. I don't think I'm the popping type.
My belly feels itchy sometimes low down where it's starting to be rounded, so that's another good sign that my shape is changing and my skin is having to stretch out a little. I have no idea what to expect with stretch marks this time. Last time I didn't get them till pretty late, and Arthur was so big for my frame and I had gained SO much weight that I had pretty big stretch marks on my hips, and some lighter ones on my bum too. My breasts grew ENORMOUS compared with my pre-pregnantness, so I got some light stretch marks on them as well. The stretch marks on my actual tummy didn't arrive till just before Arthur was born. If this baby is smaller or if I don't gain as much weight, I don't really expect to make those stretch marks worse. I hope not because I don't WANT them any worse! I like that they show I have had a baby, but that's about all I like about them! I'll have to wait and see.
My tummy button has gone much more flat ALREADY! It took more than half my pregnancy to do that last time, but then they do say that everything is more slack and stretched out the second time around! I guess it has been stretched flat so it's easy to go back to that when stuff is pushed out underneath it. I went back to my nice inny after Arthur was born though, and I didn't expect it to be flat again this early. Neil thinks I'll get an outy this time! I don't think I am built to get one of those. Flat is all I do!
Dum de dum, what else? My skin is really dry, but that could be the climate change and the fact that the heating is on a lot more. And the lack of fluids, tsk! I am peeing such a lot! Six times last night, urgh! I hope my womb moves up out of my pelvis soon. I think I was around 14 weeks last time so it should be soon, and then I will get a lot more relief on my poor bladder! I am surprisingly less crampy this time though. This time last pregnancy I was soooo uncomfy and crampy in my pelvis, like there was no room and everything was begging my womb to get out of the way!
It's so weird how NORMAL I feel actually. Like I'm not even pregnant at all. Except I DO feel pregnant, but so much less so than with Arthur. I am very distracted from the pregnancy all the time, looking after Arthur, so maybe that's all it is? I have been feeling a few Braxton Hicks contractions during this week, but they don't worry me at all any more, after the reassurance from last week.
I have been starting to think about the birth. I am thinking on the basis that we are still living here when I have the baby, but we might not now. Still, if we are, I definitely plan to have a homebirth again. I do still feel like I had a homebirth last time, even though I had to transfer during transition and give birth to Arthur in hospital in the end. My feelings remember the experience as a homebirth with a hiccup at the end, hehe! Which is a nice way to feel about it :) I laboured at home, and planned to have my baby there, and that was great. This time I plan exactly the same. Only I do NOT plan on having internal examinations. Last time I didn't want them either, or at least only one or two. I only had three in total at home, but the last one (where I was found to be 8cm) was the cause of Arthur turning to posterior (his back to my back) and thus the whooole reason that labour stalled and got so painful and ended up with a transfer to hospital. I need to update my birth story with that little bit of info actually - I didn't even figure it out till MONTHS later.
The midwife had me lie on my sofa for the exam, so I was on my back (great position to turn a baby to posterior). The INSTANT she finished the exam and took her hand away, I felt the most awful sensation, and even grabbed my belly and shouted out, "What was THAT?!" Everyone said, "What was what?!" but I didn't know how to describe it so I couldn't even tell them. Nothing awful happened so I calmed down and we all just carried on as normal and I got into the pool. But what it felt like was a dull and painful thump inside me, followed by a dragging sliding feeling - the weirdest and most ewwwy feeling in the world against my insides! It felt a little bit like the dull pop feeling that I had when part of my waters broke earlier (though I mostly just had a slow leak), so I figured it was just another part of my amniotic sac popping. I did have a gush of fluid right after that so I convinced myself that's what it was. But immediately after I got up, the pain changed to excruciating, and that's the point where everything stalled and got crazy. When I was next examined in hospital, they found Arthur to be posterior, and he wasn't posterior the previous time. So I now KNOW, having worked it out, that actually he hated being poked and prodded around his head when the midwife was checking my cervix, and so he squirmed, and my position made it easy for that squirm to send him swinging round to a posterior position. I feel kind of annoyed because I was doing so great for the whole of my labour and managing the pain so well. I only wanted to be sure I was more than 5cm dilated so I could get in the pool without worrying that it would slow my contractions down. I would have had him within an hour or two, for sure, if he had not turned, and he would not have turned if it hadn't been for the internal.
So I don't want any of those next time - I'll try to stick to my guns! And if I DO, I wonder if they can do them with me squatting or something, or in any position other than lying on my back.
So that's one change I'll make. The other is I don't think I'll bother with a pool this time. They won't let me deliver under water anyway, and I'm not overly fussed about that. Last time I was convinced I'd need the water for pain relief, but felt like it did nothing for my pain last time (I was in SUPER pain by the time I got in though). When I got out to try pushing, it didn't make my pain worse, so I guess I would have been okay without the pool. Also it left nooo space for anyone to move in the living room, and I would really appreciate room to move this time, especially if Arthur is around. I do want him around, but we'll have to play it by ear. If people generally deal with labour the same way each time (ie, not calm and collected one time and a screaming banshee the next!) then I know I will be calm and basically "myself" for most of it, and only get difficult if I have back labour and it's too much to bear. My mum is going to be at the birth again, which I'm delighted about! I wonder about having someone else as well, in case Arthur needs to eat or be played with or go and feed the ducks and I want Mummy and Neil with me at that stage. But we'll figure that out later. I definitely want him there, even if he's not in the room at the time. But I'm happy for him to be in the room. I don't think it will scare him, especially if I am as normal and calm as I was last time when pushing a baby out!
I think if I feel I need water for pain relief at any stage, I can get someone to help me take a bath or spray the shower on my back, etc. Plus the pool will be a faff and cost money, and be a NIGHTMARE for "someone" to bail out afterwards, like it was for my poor parents last time!! So I feel happy about not having one this time.
I can't remember what else I was going to say. How annoying! But I suddenly have heartburn (sausage casserole was a bit rich tonight!) and I DO want some bread so I'm going to have some, even though it isn't French bread. Then I'm going to bed! I love my sleep right now. Ooh I keep forgetting to say, I have wonderful pregnant dreams every night! Not dreams about pregnancy, but that "vivid dreams every night" state that pregnancy brings about. It started within days of my positive test and I haven't had a dream-free night since! I have some really WEIRD dreams when I'm pregnant!
I dreamt that I was murdered the other night. It was so vivid. Someone tried to blow me up with a bomb and I felt the blast hit me but it didn't kill me, so they stabbed me with a very specific type of knife and I felt it so clearly and painfully right until I died. I always die in my "I've been murdered" dreams when I'm pregnant. I hate them.
One thing I'm desperately sad about though, is that I haven't had ANY of the fantastically vivid parsnipy dreams that I had with my last pregnancy! Darn it!!!! I was sooooo looking forward to those, hehe! Not a one though. Nada. Just murder and weird weird crazy stuff. Pah. I did dream that I had a boy recently though, and then another night I dreamt that I had a girl. Who knows which it will be! I just know that either way, it will be WONDERFUL to have a little baby again! I just want a baaaaby, never mind the gender! I'm so mushy and broody these days! ;)
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