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2004-07-15 - 8.00pm��previous entry��next entry
23 weeks, 6 days - Midwife appointent (warning - ranty!!)
Thanks Mo for asking about my midwife appointment :)
I was hoping to write a super happy cheerful entry because I went to my 2nd appointment with the midwife today. But it was crappy and all the parking spaces were filled at the doctor's surgery and I had to park at a meter and I only had a �1 coin and the coin-slot in the machine was all warped so the coin wouldn't fit in, so I had to leave a note in the car saying the machine wouldn't take my money and that I was at the doctor's, and when I came back I had a �40 parking ticket and I swore a lot. I am so irritable lately that I am swearing like I NEVER do, I need to fix that. I hate swearing. But I don't know how at the moment, and stuff like that beepety-beep parking ticket doesn't help.
I guess I am being hormonal and hypersensitive AGAIN, but I was really disappointed with how my midwife appointment went and then with the parking ticket... It was like 5 hours ago now but I am crying about it all the same as I write this.
I saw the midwife who I'm assigned to for the duration of my pregnancy, for the first time today. Last time I saw one who was filling in for my normal midwife, and she was LOVELY. Young and cheerful and enthusiastic about my pregnancy, and she showed so much interest in me and seemed to share my views about birth. She was really supportive of my homebirth plans.
I got called in to see the midwife by a student midwife who never made eye contact with me and who seemed thoroughly bored - or at least she was monotone and monosyllabic and looked bored out of her skull. I felt deflated just hearing her tone of voice, and immediately knew she wasn't interested in me or my pregnancy or my baby. That was not a great start.
Then the midwife was just... not what I expected maybe? She was middle aged and sort of talked and looked like a teacher, the kind that's always disciplining instead of making learning interesting, d'you know the type I mean? She didn't use any enthusiastic tones or give me any great vibes to show me she was particularly interested in me or my baby. Obviously it's her JOB to be interested, but you know, I was just another pregnant person and the excitement just wasn't there for her. I guess. That sucks because a) as a midwife you should ALWAYS show the greatest respect and interest to each and every individual woman you see. Women should always feel like they are special to their midwife. And b) Midwifery is just about the most fab thing you can do, it�s such a privilege and a joy to do that job and be able to come alongside women during their pregnancies and see brand new human beings full of life and potential enter the world. Obviously this is no longer how this particular midwife feels about it, otherwise it would have just radiated from her like it used to from me when I was a student. Pfthththh.
Well I had a list of questions and concerns, but first she asked me how I was, and I said fine. I did a urine sample and it tested normal, no sugar or protein or anything � yay! The student took my blood pressure (no "the student's going to take your blood pressure" or "is it okay if the student takes your blood pressure now?" or anything. Just cuff on arm while I wasn't looking and bosh). Anyway my blood pressure is normal - 100/70 which is good. Not that they told me that, I had to listen in while they discussed me like I wasn�t there. Haven�t these people heard of common courtesy to patients?! I am not a statistic or a slab of pregnant meat.
I asked about my previous test results. The midwife didn't seem to know I had any done at the hospital, and she spent AGES looking on the computer for them. I particuarly wanted to know the swab results for the thrush, and I told her I was having some soreness but not itching. She tried phoning somewhere for the results but had no luck and that subject sort of got sidetracked so I never found out. I was hoping she might at least do another swab since I am concerned about the soreness, but nope. She just said - hang on I can't even remember what she said. Sometimes she seemed to be giving me answers and actually they weren't answers, just waffle that didn't really answer my questions. Pfthth. She did say if I wasn't itchy then it was probably fine. Well obviously that�s JUST the medicine I needed � ooh I feel so much better now! Tsk. (sorry about the heavy sarcasm)
They didn't take blood. I asked about it and she said they don't do that till the 28 week appt, which isn't what I read in my pregnancy books but oh well. I actually really want to know if I am building up any antibodies since I'm Rh negative, but hey ho. I have my Anti-D injection at the 28 week appointment.
Then the midwife said "we'll just check on baby" and the student took me round to the little room with the bed in it, while the midwife stayed behind. I lay down and revealed my bump, and she poked it and squeezed it for a few moments (all in silence) and then said (no eye contact yet, and no verbalisation of what she was doing or how things were feeling), "... just going to listen to the heartbeat" and plopped the doppler on my tummy. She found Arthur right away and his heartrate seemed faster than normal to me, but obviously still normal and healthy. I felt so protective and.... strange feeling, I don't know what to label it as.... hurt? Indignant? Something that felt similar anyway. Because she was so rough with my tummy. She was so finger-tippy and her prods were so sharp they hurt me. She squeezed up lumps of my tummy with the baby's shape between her fingers and thumbs, just to get a good feel of him, and I know she woke him up because he started kicking me in a most agitated way immediately. I know that would have been the cause of his increased heartrate and I don't like that he was made to get agitated by someone who could have been a lot more respectful of us both. She watched my tummy heave and ripple in silence for a moment as Arthur walloped me in protest, and then asked, "Are you feeling baby kick much?" D'uh?!! What do you think?! I said yes. Because she was rough and not that respectful when touching me, I feel doubly bad about it because it�s not just that *I* didn�t like it, I know Arthur didn't like it either. And not just like where a nice midwife or doctor has to do their thing and poke a bit, and they are all smiley and nice and apologise to the baby while they're doing it. She was really cold and naff, and I know Arthur didn't need that, even less me. I feel like it's the first time someone has been actively disrespectful towards my baby and I can't figure out the new feeling that gives me. It's strong and horrible to have in my mind though. I didn't like it.
Okay so then she didn't help me up, she left me to herniate my newly separated abs (slight exaggeration but who cares!) whilst struggling to get up off my back like a beetle that's turned upside down. And then sort of walked off back to the other room leaving me to follow. She did say "baby" seemed to be a normal size though. It�s fortunate that I already know how to check my fundus height and am able to tell whether Arthur is a normal size, because if I hadn�t known I would not really have trusted whether she was right or not. She didn�t use a tape measure for my bump, but oh well, I know it�s measuring about 23 weeks at the moment. They didn�t even ask me about my weight or diet, let alone weigh me. But they don�t do weighing anymore so that�s fine, but I did sort of expect them to ask if I was gaining weight or eating okay.
The midwife then patronised me by explaining excessively simple things about pregnancy in great detail like I have never heard that drinking more water makes more urine before, and stuff like that. In her defense (can�t be bothered to figure out if that should be spelt with a c or an s), she didn't know I had a background in midwifery. But then she never asked. And I didn't even consider volunteering such information due to the complete lack of interest I was feeling from her.
Then I said I had a list of things I had written down to be sure I didn�t forget them. No response. No, "oh that was a good idea" or even "ask away!" or anything. So I just got started. I asked about whether I could stay at that doctor's surgery, given that I live just outside the catchment area. She said I'd have to take that up with the receptionists. Greeeaaat. They are the rudest most narrow-minded incompassionate receptionists I've ever come across � health-care field or not. I stand no chance if it's up to them. So I think I won't do that for now! Anyway she said that as far as home visits are concerned, it's fine from a midwife perspective, as the community midwife team (she is on this team) cover my area and beyond as well as the area my surgery is in. So that's something.
I asked about antenatal classes and got the same info I was already given last time, that the surgery will do the classes (yes I KNOW, but do I need to book or what?!). She didn't actually answer my question so I'm hoping the surgery WILL automatically book me in so I don't miss out. She said there are no classes in August and the next lot will start in September, so I guess I will be in that group since I'll be over 30 weeks by then and that's well time to start antenatal classes.
I asked about antenatal exercise classes and she said - again what I already know - that they do some at the hospital, but that she knows they are booked up till September. She said maybe I could find some classes at local fitness centres or leisure centres. She said I'd have to phone and ask. Okay so I will do that.
I asked about my low back pain. She said to take walks. I said yeah but it's actually when I'm taking the walks that I get the back pain. She said, "Walking is very good exercise" and that was apparantly the answer to my question (?!!).
What else did I ask about? Oh whether my iron is low. I was hoping they would take blood anyway to check that, since I am tired and breathless a lot. When I asked that, she pointed to my last lot of blood results and said my haemoglobin was really healthy, but I said, �Er, wasn�t that from my 15 week appointment, NINE weeks ago?! Couldn�t it have changed in that time?� (which of course it totally COULD, I can�t believe she even referred to results from 9 weeks ago!). Low iron in pregnancy is really common and if it�s low enough I should be taking iron supplements, but I shouldn�t be taking them if I HAVEN�T been diagnosed with low iron. To diagnose low iron you need to get a blood test. Hello?!! But nope. She just said I could take liquid iron supplement if I wanted to (um, shouldn�t that be prescribed, and shouldn�t I be properly checked first?). I asked wouldn�t it give me constipation, and she said oh just try it and if it does then I can always stop it, or else just drink plenty of water and eat fibre. Man, she was so crap. I know I�m probably being a bit harsh, and I probably went in with super-high expectations or something, but I don�t see why I shouldn�t have high expectations for my pregnancy care.
Oh I asked when to start kick counts. She said the baby is too small to feel many movements yet (I didn�t even bother telling her about how clearly I have been feeling them for a while now), so I shouldn�t bother with those till later. Fine.
I wanted to ask about the way Arthur�s heartrate drops low sometimes, but urgh I didn�t even want to by the time I�d been there 30 minutes and felt utterly deflated. I knew she would just patronise. No, Word, patronise is spelt with an �s� in England, not a �z�. I must figure out how to switch the spell check to UK English � it keeps correcting my spelling automatically to US spellings when I want to spell them UK-ishly!! Tsk.
Okay THEN I asked about my homebirth. Man I soooooooooooooo don�t want this midwife around me when I give birth. And that is such a hard realisation (tsk, that is an �s� too, Word!!) to come to when I think that this is my assigned midwife. I did subtly manage to ask whether at a homebirth you get a specific midwife or any midwife on a team. She said there�s a team (she�s on it) of 12 midwives, and it�s a complete lottery as to which you get at the birth. Grreeaat. So I�m really not happy about that, because it could be her, and anyway I haven�t met 10 of the others so maybe they wouldn�t be that supportive either. Urgh. I hate not feeling settled about the birth, and knowing I can�t resolve any of the stuff that unsettles me from now till then.
Anyway this midwife basically doesn�t seem to agree with first-time mothers having babies at home. I can�t believe it. She went on and on and on (and ON) about the negative aspects and ALL the risks, in lengthy and heavy detail, it was horrible. If I didn�t know better, I would have been terrified into a hospital birth decision, which I am just disgusted about on other women�s behalf. But I do know better. I just hope I get the support I need, and right now I feel pretty unsupported which makes me feel upset and insecure and anxious about the birth. I hate it when midwives don�t do the most important aspect of their job � supporting a woman�s choice and building up her confidence in her body to give birth and be a mother.
She gave me this double-sided A4 sheet of paper about �making a decision to have a home birth� and she talked me through it in detail. The paper basically says in summary, �X Hospital maternity unit�s leaflet about having a homebirth: You are completely stupid and irresponsible to consider having a homebirth, but if you absolutely insist, please sign and date at the bottom of this sheet so we can wash our hands of you� Okay so it doesn�t actually say that, but honestly that is a good way to summarise it. It�s got all these multiple headings that keep reminding you that you�re �Making the Right Choice for You and Your Baby� (subheading, �Making the Right Decision�). All it does is list the awful things that can go horribly wrong at birth, and tell you that these are the reasons you should not have a homebirth. I mean, some of them are fine and legitimate, like the examples of conditions which mean I need a hospital delivery, but I don�t agree with all of them:
Breech presentation � I just know toooo many breech babies born at home in perfect safety and with no distress or problems, of course ALL delivered by independent midwives � you wouldn�t catch any other type of midwife allowing �Mother� to expose �Baby� to such a dreadful risky thing. Tsk.
Raised blood pressure. Okay, if I develop pre-eclampia then fine, I will give birth in hospital. Same for gestational diabetes, or any big medical complication.
Previous Caesarean birth � not applicable to me, but also complete BALLS that you can�t have a homebirth if you�ve had a C/S!! Grrr.
Unusually large or small baby. Large because it may get stuck. And I would probably prefer the midwife-led unit in the hospital if I was given GOOD evidence that my baby was likely to weigh 10lbs. But he�s never gonna weigh anything near that, unless I get diabetic. But anyway the midwife hyped on and on and on about how dreadful it is when �baby� gets stuck in the birth canal and you�re at home without medical expertise. Crappy. But the thing she made MUCH more of an issue of, was the fact that I weighed 5lbs 10oz at birth (full term too), and she said if my baby is similar to me there is no way I could have him at home. She said low birthweight babies have trouble maintaining their blood sugar and need monitoring in hospital. What has that got to do with where the birth takes place?!! Plus, what complete balls!!! I don�t know why I weighed in so light, but I was strong and healthy, great Apgar scores, no trouble with breathing, and my mum says I lifted my head on the first day! My blood sugar was perfectly normal. The midwife said that �you don�t� deliver a baby at home that weighs less than 6.5lbs, it�s just not safe. I know I�m repeating myself, but WHAT COMPLETE BALLS!!!!!!!!! This midwife makes me so angry!!! Yet again, I can point to seemingly loads of women who have had babies at home weighing less than this. Didn�t Aishy deliver light (and early) babies at home?! I can�t remember. Someone tell me. But also there�s a lady at UKparents on the homebirth forum who just delivered twins at home, and obviously they both weighed less than 6lbs (I think one weighed less than 5lbs actually) � Independent midwife of course! But were there any problems?! Was it less safe than hospital? NOOOOOO. Stoopid unsupportive risk-obsessed midwife. Tsk.
Breathe.
Okay then there�s a big list of horribly scary complications that can occur during labour, and it raves on about how labour is totally unpredictable, etc. If the baby was in distress, or when my waters broke there was meconium in them, or if his cord came down before he did, then obviously I would go into hospital. The midwife painted these pictures as graaaave fatal issues that I would be in dire straits with if I wasn�t in hospital. Um, hello? If they are regularly monitoring Arthur during labour with a doppler or Pinard stethoscope or fetoscope or whatnot, then they will be able to tell if his heartrate is beginning to show a pattern of distress, and (I�ve seen this plenty IN the hospital) there is then time to calmly discuss whether to see how we go for a little while or whether to gather things up and go into hospital. No panic. Unless they weren�t monitoring him properly and suddenly they did and realised he was in trouble. If he pooped before he was born then okay maybe he is distressed, so we go in. We don�t scream, �OH MY GOD, it�s MECONIUM!!� and call for an ambulance with sirens blazing. His cord is very unlikely to prolapse if he is well engaged in my pelvis to start with, which is waaay more likely with a first birth. So there.
Then she set about making sure I was adequately depressed by the prospect of �baby� failing to breathe at birth and needing resuscitation. Um well the human race wouldn�t be getting very far if that was the expectation at all births, would it? There is no reason why Arthur won�t breathe perfectly well. If he is a bit gurgly then they have suction and stuff, but giving birth upright and him having a cry and so on, those things will help him not have that issue anyway. And it�s not dangerous if he IS gurgly for a bit. She went on about having NO WAY to resuscitate �baby� if he couldn�t breathe, and then wouldn�t I feel awful? She was terrible about that, I am so disgusted.
And THEN there was the whole haemorrhage and retained placenta subject. I�m glad she didn�t go to town toooo much on this one, because it�s probably the thing I�m most anxious about, out of the whole lot really. I feel confident about birth, but I know sometimes you can bleed after and I don�t know how that is controlled if it�s extreme. But I know midwives are trained to provide emergency aid in any of these situations if they have to. I don�t want to dwell on the what-ifs. What kind of a mindset is that to go into labour with?! You are set up for expecting something to go wrong, and that is the thing that causes the biggest setback in labour for the majority of women. They just don�t have the confidence in their bodies and are fearful of birth, expecting things to go wrong. They are brainwashed throughout pregnancy by �well-meaning� friends and relatives, and by useless healthcare professionals to believe this, when it�s NOT TRUE!!! The less fear you have about birth, the more it�s an untrue statistic for you. It really does have that big an effect on how your birth experience can go. And I don�t want my good mindset polluted by negative stuff when I am busy trying to trust my body to do what nature intended. Aaaaaaaghhhhhh!! So angry.
Okay but she hadn�t finished there, the last thing she made an issue of was how I wouldn�t have access to much pain relief at home, and acted like I obviously hadn�t thought this through. Of course I don�t know what labour feels like or if I can cope with the pain, but I know I stand a better chance of coping if I don�t go into it thinking I CAN�T cope. I don�t know if water, TENS machine (not in the water of course!) and breathing/positions/massage, etc, are going to make the pain bearable enough for me, but those are the methods I have chosen to try. IF I absolutely can�t bear it and NEED an epidural then sure, I will go to hospital and get one. But I am soooo gonna try not to do that. I can take gas and air if I want at home, but I don�t even want to try that thanks. Maybe I�ll change my mind at the time, maybe not. But I don�t want all this negativity about how I have no idea and I probably won�t cope and therefore a homebirth isn�t something I should do. I didn�t even bother mentioning that I want a birthing pool at my homebirth, because it seemed pointless at this stage. I know I obviously need to talk about the details of what I want with the midwife, but urgh, I think it�s going to be an uphill struggle, and I hate that she�s making it like this for me.
She said I need to read up on homebirth (I did say, �I have� but she ignored that comment) and talk at length with my husband about it. I said we are keen for a homebirth. She said oh but it�s not just you, your husband has to be happy with it too. Firstly, he is (and I told her so, twice because she ignored me the first time, but she just said to talk it through again and read the leaflet together), and secondly WHAT COMPLETE BALLS!!!! Again!!! Um, I know it�s important that Neil is happy and involved, but actually it�s MY decision where I labour and give birth, and it�s up to Neil to support that decision, not say, �Oh actually I don�t want you giving birth at home, so we�d better book a hospital birth�!!!!!! No way. If he said that I would basically say, �Um, tough luck, this is not your decision and I need to give birth here since I am the one going through it and need to make the choice based on what�s best for me and the baby. And what�s best for Arthur is a mother who is relaxed and as much at ease as possible during labour. So I�m giving birth here. Now get used to it, and offer me some support!� That sort of thing! ;)
Urrrrrrrrrrghhhhh. I�m sorry for this HUGE rant, but I�m so frustrated and upset about it all. I totally didn�t expect it from the midwife so I guess that�s thrown me more.
Oops, 2 hour gap there � had to save this as the phone rang (Mummy) and then Neil got home from work and we chatted about it all. But where was I? Oh yes - after my appointment I went to the supermarket and did the food shopping, and I bought doughnuts and chocolate :) Mmmm! I did buy fruit and veg and healthy things too, but yeah, me and Arthur needed some yummy treats after our joint ordeal! When I got home I ate a good lunch and spent some time talking to Arthur in a soothing voice and stroking and patting him. I read in a magazine in the waiting room that speaking in a soothing tone to your baby and him feeling your hand through the womb can soothe him and lower his heartrate if he is agitated. Also talking to a baby in the womb stimulates neurological development. I like that, because I chat to him all the time anyway, so I�m glad it�s doing some good! And then we had chocolate and doughnuts, and he has been all happy and calm since then :)
Neil was irate when I told him about the appointment. He is determined to come with me to the next one and �put the midwife in her place� (!!) if she is negative about things again!! Yikes! I haven�t really seen this protective husband/father side of Neil before! It�s nice to feel so supported by him :) I feel loads better for chatting with him and also speaking to my mum on the phone at great length about it!
I think that is all on the appointment update � sorry it�s so long winded and ranty. I�m not sure what to do about the birth thing now, but we�ll think on that some more and pray about it too. I feel like I�ve been stressy all day because of it, so I just want to put it out of my head for now and enjoy my evening. So that is all. I will update tomorrow hopefully with a 24 week update!!! Yay, 24 weeks tomorrow!! And it�s belly pic day, but we might not get one done till the evening, so that might have to go in the belly gallery the next time I update.
More normal update next time! :)
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