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2004-04-21 - 11.13am��previous entry��next entry
11 weeks, 5 days - almost there!!
Almost there, almost there!!! Woohoo! Probably the next time I write I will be in the second trimester!!!! Yeah I have decided that I'm going with the developmental method of dividing up the trimesters, which means the first one ends the day after TOMORROW!!! Yaaaaaaay!! And then Friday I will start my second trimester, and I will be 12 weeks, which will make me feel like someone lifted a 10 ton weight off my ribcage so I can breathe more easily. Yay yay yay!!!
Bean's heart is still beating healthily this morning, and I find myself getting more and more excited every day that I hear it sounding so healthy and being another day closer to 12 weeks. I got scared the other day because a lady at FF and another at UKparents said they miscarried at 12 weeks and I thought maybe things would not be so safe even at 12 weeks. But then it turned out that they both had a "missed" miscarriage, so the baby had died earlier and they didn't actually miscarry till 12 weeks. That makes me feel safer about Bean because of how the heartbeat is good and strong today, at 11 weeks and 5 days.
Bean measures 2 inches today, that's just over 5cm from crown to rump!! I keep holding my fingers that distance apart and laying them against where Bean is lying right now, and it just seems sooooo big!
I have much less of a bump these days. I read that this can be normal at the end of the first trimester because often the huge amount of bloating goes away after around 10 weeks. I get bloated out in the evenings and I look quite nice and pregnant then, but in the mornings and for most of the day actually, I don't look pregnant. I still have that rounded thing going on very low down, but I can still do a normal zip up past that, and now that I'm not bloated I can do a zip up all the way on my non-maternity jeans, so I guess I have no bump yet :( But I know it will come soon enough!
I cannot WAIT for my bump to pop out. I feel so sure it will happen any day now - things still feel soooo crowded in there. I am only peeing once a night still, although last night it was twice, but I pee a lot in the day even when I don't drink enough. That and the flatness of my tummy makes me think my womb has definitely not popped yet. C'mon womb!! My bones feel squashed in there!
Guess what girls? (and any boys who might be reading, of course!) I have been up and about for just over one hour, I've had breakfast, and I have NOT felt sick yet!!!! Is this it d'you think?! I hope so, I hope so! Yesterday I started wondering if maybe I might be starting to feel a tiny bit better. I felt sick all day as normal, and sometimes pretty badly, but it's just that for the last few days I realised I have been eating 3 normal meals at normal meal times, and not really snacking that much between them. Okay so I feel sick all the time, but a couple of weeks ago there was no WAY I could have gone more than a couple of hours without snacking or the nausea would become unbearable. So that got me wondering.
Then yesterday I felt like playing The Sims on the computer. I have not played any games on the computer since I turned 6 weeks pregnant. I was playing Zoo Tycoon one evening when my morning sickness began all of a sudden. I carried on playing but had to stop in the end cause I felt so sick. Then the nausea was constant from that time onwards, when I was awake. I tried playing Zoo Tycoon over the next few days but it just made me feel sick like never before so I had to stop every time. And since then, if I see like a zebra on TV, or that programme on telly, "Animal Park" or whatever it's called, I instantly feel sick, it's soooo weird of me! It reminds me of my game and even a quick fleeting thought of that game makes me suddenly nauseous. And then there's the fact that I've found it hard to use the computer for long as it makes me feel sick.
Well the last few days I've been online more and more, and then yesterday I decided to try playing The Sims for a bit, and ended up on it for hoooours without making my nausea any worse than it was. So I wonder.... I think maybe (hopefully!) my "morning" sickness might just be starting to subside. Only just though, because I was still feeling sick all the time, just somehow it wasn't having such a huge impact as before. I feel slightly queasy at the moment but not nauseated like normal. I am so excited to think I might start to feel better from now, or at least very soon!
When I am consistently feeling better, I can't wait to go out more. I am going to take walks and the weather is gonna get nicer just in time, and I'm gonna go to the pool and swim for my baby so I can be healthier and fitter and do a better job of pushing him/her out! Yay! I can't wait to do a better job of being pregnant than I've been doing so far.
On Sunday my friend Katie (29 weeks pregnant) told me she visited the midwife-led unit at the hospital and was really impressed. She said they don't have a birthing pool yet but they may get one this summer. She said they only have 2 delivery rooms. I am keeping it all in mind, but I still really don't want to be anywhere near a place where I could be at risk of interventions, even just down the corridor in a midwife-led unit. So I still want my homebirth. I hope I have a healthy pregnancy and that there are no complications. Valerie, I just realised I didn't answer your question in my guestbook about the midwife unit! Sorry! It isn't the same thing as a birthing centre. We have those too, but they are almost all private and therefore cost a ton of money. I used to have my heart set on a birthing centre across the road from a big hospital nearish me, but then I found out that you have to pay thousands of � to go there, when I can go to a hospital or give birth at home for free in this country, so I let that one go! A midwife-run unit is just a section of the normal labour ward which is attempted to look more homely, though it's still a hospital room, and midwives oversee all of your labour and the birth, no intervention from doctors unless there is a problem - then you get wheeled down the corridor to the normal labour unit. Still a bit close for comfort for me, so I'm hanging out for my homebirth!
I am noticing my moods are starting to swing a lot more these last few days, just when I'd been saying how I don't seem to have had much of a problem with mood swings this pregnancy! Urgh, here's what happened.
Last week 2 girls aged about 12 came up to our door on bikes and rang the doorbell. Neil answered and they asked if Rachel was there. He said they had the wrong house and they rode off. Then the evening before last, they came back with a boy this time on their bikes and rang the doorbell. I answered the door and they said, "Is Bob there?" So I said no, and said I knew they were the same kids who were asking for Rachel last week. They denied it. I asked why they were doing this. Silence. I told them it was kind of pathetic (yikes, I always said I would NEVER get like some of my school teachers who made me feel so small!). They denied it was them and started to get kind of rude and stroppy as they turned their bikes round (I wasn't wrong, btw, it was definitely the same kids, I saw them clearly from the window last time), and mumbled that they "only wanted to know if Bob Marley was there". For some CRAZY reason I lost my temper which I never do, and snapped at them that they'd be in a lot of trouble if they kept coming round doing this. One of the girls called me a cow and they rode off.
I shut the door and burst into tears and couldn't stop crying for 20 minutes. I was sooooo angry with those kids, even though it was nothing to get that upset over, and I was angry with myself for letting it make me so upset. But it was weird. It was like someone pushed my emotion button and the button got stuck in, you know, like on an old computer keyboard when the "a" gets stuck down and won't come back up no matter what, and every time the computer is on it just fills the screen with aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. You know? It was like that. Urgh. I could not find that part of me that's usually there, the bit that I can call on to distract me or squash down cross feelings and just get on with something else. It was like my anger and tears were on autopilot and I couldn't stop them. It was horrible :(
Eventually I stopped crying but I felt so depressed and unhappy, it sorta scared me. So I took action. I took a bubble bath right away with my favourite bath stuff, and after that I watched a feel-good comedy movie and laughed and laughed all cosy on the sofa in my pjs. That worked :) Phew!
BUT. Yesterday afternoon Neil got home from work early, and he was upstairs getting changed, and those kids came back. They had their hoods up (ooh, what a cunning disguise!) and they hung about for ages on the front path, adn then they rang the doorbell and ran away. Neil was all set to chase them, and I had a hard time persuading him not to because it would only fuel them to do it again. I hope they won't. I could really do without stupid kids winding me up at the moment. I hope they get bored and stop soon. I had a cool plan for if they rang the doorbell and stayed to ask for another person. I was gonna answer it (after a suitable pause) with the phone in my hand, and instead of saying anything to the kids, I was gonna say down the phone, "... Yes, one with blonde hair, about 5ft 2.... yes, I've got a good look at them, they're right in front of me.." hahaha!! I figured if I was their age and pulling a stupid prank, that would be the thing that would scare me the most and put me off going back, if I thought the adult was actually on the phone to the police describing me!! Hehe! But they obviously got put off by my outburst so they run away instead now. Pfthth.
But that's not all. While they rang the doorbell yesterday, the phone rang, and I answered it while trying to persuade Neil not to run after the kids. It was an Anglican window salesman. Urgh. I get soooo many calls from these people, but none of them so rude and pushy as last night's. I told the guy we didn't want any windows replacing. He said why. I lied and said we had them done already. He said wood or PVC? I said wood. He said how about other things? I said we were not interested. He said how about for the future. I said no thanks. He said why not. I said just BECAUSE!!! He said there must be a reason. I did that thing again that I don't do, I lost my temper, and told him to go away because my answer was NO. He said what's putting you off? I said YOU ARE!!! Go away!!! He said I didn't know what I was saying no to. I raised my voice which I never do, and told him he was rude and pushy and I was about to put the phone down on him because I did not need to put up with that. And I put the phone down, with him still trying to talk me round. Urgh, I did NOT need those two things happening together!
Afterwards I felt so angry and shaky and tearful, and again it would not go away, even after watching Home and Away which I normally love, but which happened to be about an annoying git yesterday (!!), so I felt unhappy and depressed and tearful and blah. I was desperate to remedy it, so Neil went out to get pizza for us, and I phoned my mum and tried not to cry, and then I tried to choose a movie to help me feel better. By the time Neil got back with the pizza, I was in absolute despair over not being able to choose a movie or feel happy, urgh I was in such a silly state! He picked out "Soapdish" for me because it's one that I love and haven't seen for ages, so we watched that and I laughed a lot and felt better :) Phew!
I hope I am not gonna get like this a lot! I don't like feeling out of control of my emotions, or being angry with people. I tried to pray to soothe myself and feel nice towards the people who had made me angry, but I just couldn't seem to do it.
Oh well. I guess it's just normal hormones, and at least I can eventually feel better with a good movie or a bath or something.
What else? Ohhh yesterday I had these weird feelings that I did not like at all. They kept happening all afternoon and in the evening it was really bad. My face kept feeling hot and sweaty, but not like I was just too hot, it was more like a weird sweat, like when I eat something waaaay too rich and I feel yucky and break out in a weird sweat on my face. I didn't feel nice in my head at the same time, sort of lightheaded. The rest of me felt as normal.
I do feel so warm lately, which is apparantly to do with the fact that my blood volume has increased by 40% (!!) to meet my baby's needs and supply the placenta, etc. My pregnancy book lists feeling warm as a symptom beginning in the 4th month (which begins from 12 weeks), and I noticed it also lists dizziness/lightheadedness/faintness that month as well. So maybe it's just a pregnancy thing. I just don't like it though. I feel.... not "right" when it happens. I was freaking out in the evening because it was really bad and was distracting me from everything I was doing. So I took my blood pressure which was 120/75 (nice and healthy!), and made sure I was eating and drinking fruit juice, etc, incase it was a blood sugar thing. But it still persisted. I took my temperature which was 36.8, so I couldn't find anything wrong, but it just "felt" wrong, y'know? Neil kept saying maybe I was tired and should go to bed, but I didn't want to (I am so bad at going to sleep! My mum says I've fought it since I was born!). I felt better in the end after a couple of hours, and then I went to bed. I feel okay today, but right now I am starting to feel very warm and woozy. This chair is soooo warm, and I just can't seem to keep cool sometimes.
Okay I think I have said plenty today! And I can't think of anything else right now so I'm going to stop for now. NINE DAYS till my scan!!! Yay!! I will update again soon - probably at 12 weeks unless I have super-big news tomorrow for some reason!
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